


PX390

by Seryph



Series: PX390 [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Marlene McKinnon, Bisexual Sirius Black, Black Family Drama (Harry Potter), Black Family Madness (Harry Potter), Child Abuse, Eventual James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Friendship, Gay Remus Lupin, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Indian James Potter, Lily Evans Potter is a Good Friend, Mental Health Issues, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Multi, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Person of Color James Potter, Protective Remus Lupin, Regulus Black is a Good Sibling, Remus Lupin is a Good Friend, Romance, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black is a Good Friend, Sirius Black is a Good Sibling, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, Welsh Remus Lupin, mental health is handled badly, orion black is definitely not straight, walburga black is not well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:35:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25912960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seryph/pseuds/Seryph
Summary: The story of four boys, a girl, a Dark Wizard and eventually two wars. A mostly Marauder fic with lashing of Wolfstar here and there, James/Lily too. Where did Sirius get all those tattos, and what do they mean? Mostly canonical following the Marauders era through to 1981. A bit of a change here. PX390 is now moving to be in line with my post Halloween 1981 AU, Under Pressure. Rated M for violence, abuse and themes of self harm, drug and alcohol abuse as well as sexual content later.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/Original Male Character(s), Sirius Black/Everyone, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: PX390 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1880608
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**July 1971, Islington**

'Master Sirius.'

Sirius' eye snapped open, locking onto the sliver of predawn light slipping between his velvet curtains as it played on the ceiling.

'Master Sirius.' Kreacher's voice was barely more than a whisper, but the annoyance in the house-elf's tone set Sirius' teeth on edge.

'I'm awake.' He snapped under his breath, 'What is it?'

'It is morning, Master Regulus needs to be in his room.'

Sirius sighed and swung his legs out of bed, he glanced towards the foot of it and wasn't surprised to see the tiny form of his brother, curled in a ball under a blanket, one hand tightly gripping a battered, stuffed hippogriff. Kreacher hurried out of Sirius' way, opening the wardrobe and starting to pull out clothes for him for the day.

Sirius scooped up his brother, he was so slight and Sirius could carry him easily. Regulus stirred and blearily pushed his face into Sirius' shoulder, snuggling in. 'Come on, back to bed.'

He tucked the sheet and blanket up over Regulus and left him to get another few hours sleep before he had to get up. Back in his own room, Sirius eyed the clothes Kreacher had laid out. The elf himself had disappeared, probably to start on breakfast. He was a little surprised to find himself dressing in a smart black suit, with a deep Slytherin green shirt. He buttoned the silver buttons of his waistcoat, and adjusted the tie in the mirror, the silver threads in the black silk of it caught the light. A tiny smile lightened the frown that had been caught between his brows. Clothes like this meant going out, and not just to see family, but out in public.

Downstairs, the doorbell jangled. Sirius' head snapped up, it was still early. Something was going on. He flew down the stairs, feet absolutely silent on the carpet and skipping lightly over the loose floorboards near his mother's door. It wasn't worth disturbing her before she had her breakfast.

He came to a stop outside the dining room door, and opened it carefully. Normally this early it would only be his father at breakfast, Walburga took her breakfast in bed and Regulus was a later riser. This morning though, Orion was not alone in the dining room. Sirius' mother sat at the head of the table, pristinely dressed in swarths of velvet. His father was standing, talking to a tall, straight backed man Sirius recognised immediately.

He drew himself up and walked confidently into the room, 'Good morning Grandfather, good morning Father, Mother.'

Arcturus turned, even at seventy his eyes were sharp, calculating, 'Ah Sirius.' He held out a hand for Sirius to shake. Sirius was fairly certain he had never hugged his grandfather. He glanced at his father as he stepped back, wondering what was going on.

Orion nodded, 'Take your seat.' And waved his father to sit down too. On Sirius' plate was a thick parchment envelope, addressed to _Mr. S. Black, The Largest Top Floor Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place, Islington, London_

Sirius couldn't help the excitement that bubbled momentarily in his chest, there was only one thing this could be.

'Go on boy, open it.' Arcturus encouraged and Sirius pulled the wax seal off as quickly as he could.

His eyes skimmed over the ink, this was it, he was going to Hogwarts. He looked up to see his father's steel grey eyes watching him, waiting, 'It's from Hogwarts, it says I am expected on the Hogwarts Express on the first of September.'

'Congratulations.' Orion smiled lightly.

'Why congratulate him? He has yet to do anything.' Walburga's voice turned Sirius' blood to icy slush, 'Except be born and manage not to be a squib.'

Orion's gaze became hard, turning from his heir to his wife, 'I presume you will not be accompanying him to Diagon Alley then.' It was barely a question.

'Of course not. Regulus' new tutor arrives today.'

Sirius looked up sharply, 'Just Regulus'?'

Walburga sneered at him, 'Of course. You will be at Hogwarts, why should I employ a tutor for you?'

'Walburga…' Orion's tone was threatening, barely veiled anger at her showing him up in front of his own father.

Arcturus considered Sirius, 'The boy is old enough to take himself surely.'

'You don't know how it is now Father,' Walburga said dismissively, 'There are blood traitors and worse everywhere. Orion, you should take your son.'

'I cannot, I have the Wizengamot.'

Sirius sipped the china cup of milky tea Kreacher put at his elbow. Sometimes Orion allowed him coffee, but only when it was the two of them. He pulled a face and reached for the sugar bowl.

'Why not send the House-elf?' His grandfather pressed.

'I will need him here.' Walburga's voice was starting to take on a shrill edge, Sirius swallowed his bacon and as quickly as he could politely he rammed in another mouthful.

'Now you are being ridiculous.' Orion condescended.

'Ridiculous!' Walburga's wand was in her hand and Sirius choked down the last of his tea, and then froze in place. If he was still, if he was quiet, they might ignore him.

'Is this necessary?' Arcturus sounded surprised, but Sirius couldn't quite believe he hadn't heard about his parents' dramatic fights. But worse, it drew his mother's attention back to the middle of the table. Back to Sirius.

'Necessary?' She screamed, 'Not of course it isn't necessary! Of course I should just be abandoned here all day with my poor boy. While _your son_ galivants around the Ministry, and _his_ ungrateful, nasty little child goes and rolls in the filth just like his fa-'

'Silencio!' Orion's spell caught her off guard, she hadn't been looking at him in her rage.

Sirius barely breathed, his heart only had chance to beat twice before he felt Kreacher's long fingers curl around his wrist and he allowed himself to be dragged from the room as the screaming started.

He felt the crushing cold descend into his bones, the false calm that kept his feet moving, knowing that today, this week, possibly the rest of the month would be awful. Knowing that his grandfather would be involved, old as he was, he would have opinions or maybe worse. The cold burned deeper, pushing Sirius to take control, while it lasted. He looked down and shook his wrist free from the hated elf, 'Kreacher, bring Master Regulus to the kitchen from his breakfast.'

'Kreacher was going to, Master Sirius.'

Sirius felt the growl in his voice, heard it, even through the chill in his chest, 'Don't talk back to me.'

Kreacher bowed, his snub nose brushing the rug at their feet, 'Master Sirius should know there is a guest in the drawing room.'

'Oh go and shut your fingers in the oven. How could you not have said!' He spun and ran up the stairs, cursing the elf. How could he let a guest in when his parents were fighting. How would Sirius cover this?

A deep breath and Sirius opened the door, 'I'm deeply sorry you were kept – Uncle!'

Alphard Black, a thin, tall man with his long tail of black hair neatly tied at the nape of his neck, turned and grinned, 'Sirius, good morning.' He held open his arms and Sirius careened across the room, in moments he was wrapped deeply in a hug. Alphard wasn't the tallest of the Blacks, and Sirius already came up to his shoulder. He held him tightly, even as a muffled crash drifted up to them from the dining room. 'Ah, she's up then.' Alphard sounded wryly amused as he gave Sirius one final squeeze and let him go, 'Did it come?'

Sirius nodded, not bothering to hide the grin, 'Yeah, so I have a month and then I'm free.'

'Mmm, indeed.' Alphard winced, almost flinched, as shouting echoed up to them, 'How about you and I go to Diagon Alley? Did you manage breakfast?'

'Some of it.'

'Well, second breakfast can be in order.' Alphard led the way back down the stairs.

'Second breakfast?'

He laughed, 'Oh, it's from a book. You can read it next you come to stay with me.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since we don't know what wand Sirius has, I've taken a few liberties here. I used J.K.R's descriptions of the woods, cores, lengths and bendiness. There were a few woods I liked for Sirius, including rowan, but I chose against it because I thought it was too on the nose. Also CW/TW for physical abuse/DV, coercive control and mental illness.

The wand was the last thing to get. Sirius' school things had had been easy, Alphard strode into Madam Malkin's, the apothecary's and a handful of other shops, informing them his nephew would be attending Hogwarts in September, and then they swept out again. In Flourish and Blott's Alphard had moved decisively between the shelves, filling a basket with the schoolbooks, adding in things here and there he thought might be interesting. Sirius followed, running his fingers along the spines and selecting _Curses and Counter-Curses_ by Professor Vindictus Viridian, slipping it into the basket. Alphard raised an eyebrow but bought it for him along with the rest.

The wand, Sirius felt a flutter of nerves in his stomach as they walked into Ollivanders and the answering wave of cold the seemed to flood down from somewhere in his chest every time he sensed a threat. Uncle Alphard gave his shoulder a squeeze, as though he knew exactly how Sirius felt. A wand meant something finally that was completely his own, something that hadn't come via his parents or family. Everything, from the books in his bedroom to his own brother had passed through one of them first. Not second hand, mostly, but purchased by them, or made by them. This though, the wand, it was his.

The bell rang to alert Ollivander to their presence, and the man straightened from behind the desk, 'Ah, Alphard Black.' He frowned slightly for a moment, 'Cherry and unicorn hair, twelve- and three-quarter inches, slightly springy. If I recall correctly?'

Alphard nodded with a small smile, 'Indeed.' And gave Sirius a slight push forwards, 'My nephew, Sirius Black.'

Ollivander moved almost silently across to worn boards of the floor, 'Master Sirius Black, yes, yes of course.' He leaned in close to Sirius, moon like eyes pouring into Sirius' quicksilver ones, 'Which is your wand arm?'

Sirius held up his left, automatically, then went to snatch it back.

He didn't need to look at Alphard to know he was frowning, Sirius could hear it in his voice, 'No one will have any opinions about that here. Whatever that tutor of yours said.'

Almost reluctantly, Sirius offered out his hand again to be measured by the wand maker's magical tape measure, as Ollivander himself flitted between shelves, hunting for the right wand for Sirius.

The first he offered to Sirius, 'Black Walnut and dragon heartstring, rather rigid, nine-and-a-half inches,' felt like he had just been handed a snake. A snake that was trying to bite him. Ollivander snatched it back after less than a second. He looked faintly surprised, 'No, no. Not that.'

The next wand came from the very front of the shop, on a shelf with hundreds of others, these looked less dusty, more regularly accessed, 'Maple and unicorn hair, surprisingly swishy, eleven inches exactly.'

This wand felt warm in Sirius' hand, but when he flicked it, nothing happened. Now Ollivander's demeaner changed, he was pleased Sirius thought. Enjoying a challenge perhaps. As he scurried off to the back room, Sirius looked up at Alphard, who gave him a rather laconic shrug.

'Here, let us try this one.' Ollivander returned, opening the black box that contained yet another wand.

He held it out for Sirius, the Ebony shaft engraved with interlocking runes seemed to draw Sirius to it, and when he took it, it was the same temperature as his skin. The runes glowed as his thumb ran over them, a warm joy seeped through his chest and he flicked his wand, levitating Mr. Ollivanders' glasses off his nose.

Ollivander clapped his hands together, and then retrieved his glasses, 'Yes. Excellent Mr. Black.' He ushered them towards the till, 'Ebony and phoenix feather, ten- and three-quarter inches, unyielding. Rather good for transfiguration, and combative magic I might add.'

Alphard handed Sirius the money, 'You should pay for it yourself.'

Sirius realised his uncle probably did know exactly how he felt, he had grown up in their family too, with Sirius' mother.

As they left the shop, Alphard led him to the side, out of earshot of anyone who might be passing, 'You must not use your wand anywhere outside of Hogwarts Sirius. That is the law. You are under-age and the Ministry does not take this kind of thing lightly.' Then he smiled, 'Of course, your father's house is fully protected from any kind of interference by the Ministry. Not that I am telling you to break the law.' Now his smile turned into a broad smirk, 'That would be immoral.'

Sirius grinned back, 'No. Of course not.'

Alphard squeezed his shoulder once again, 'I'll apparate us back, if you are gone much longer, they'll send the dogs after us.'

He waited only long enough for Sirius' nod of consent, and then the world spun away.

On the doorstep, he gave Sirius a nod of good luck, and disapparated the moment the door opened. Sirius' uncle had no interest in lingering at Grimmauld Place if he did not half to. Sirius swept past Kreacher and managed to resist the instinct to flinch as the door slammed shut behind him. His fingers wrapped tightly around the wand in his pocket, thumb tracing over the runes and rubbing at them like worry beads.

'My Master is in the drawing room, he said to being Master Sirius too him.' Kreacher intoned at his elbow.

'I see. That's all Kreacher.'

The elf shuffled off towards the kitchen, muttering something Sirius should probably have him punished for, but he ignored. Not today.

He took the steps two at a time, and then knocked on the door. He opened it without waiting for a response, this wasn't his father's study and it was safe to intrude. He tried not to think about being in the room this morning, the loving greeting he had received from Alphard. There would be none of that with Orion Black.

Orion was sat in his preferred armchair, a book held lazily with one hand. Sirius' father was tall, one long leg crossed over the other comfortably. He had played Quidditch at school, of course, you could still see the strength in his shoulders from hefting the beaters bat.

He lowered the book, 'Ah, Sirius. Did you enjoy your sojourn with your uncle?'

It suddenly occurred to Sirius that they had left without telling anyone. He had just assumed Kreacher would take care of it. He swallowed reflexively, and Orion spotted it. A lazy wave of his father's hand and Sirius' was magically rooted to the spot, unable to move except to blink and breathe, and probably to speak, but his mouth was so dry it felt as though his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth.

'You are the heir to the Black family. You do not feel guilt, or shame. Grow a spine Sirius.' Orion sounded almost bored, as he put the book down, spread open, spine up and stood to consider his eldest son. 'Try again. How was your trip?'

Sirius found his voice, easily done now he couldn't move, 'Very pleasant, thank you Father.' Orion nodded for him to continue, 'Uncle Alphard placed all the requisite orders.'

A smirk played at Orion's lips, 'And what else?'

Sirius quelled the urge to pause, to lick his lips, he was the Black heir, he had to be perfect, 'I have brought my new books back with me. And my wand.'

A spark of fire played in his father's eyes, 'Ah. Your wand. Where is it?'

A lie was pointless, 'In my pocket.'

'Give it to me.'

Sirius wanted to protest; bound in magic how could he move? But that was part of the test, to battle against a fully-grown wizard and win. He remembered Ollivander's words _rather good for transfiguration, and combative magic I might add_ and smiled himself. Combative, that was the starting description of any day with his parents. Besides, Sirius had an ace in his sleeve.

He had practiced, and practiced this, night after night for years. He could do it without a single giveaway now. The wand just made it easier. His concentration focused away from his father, and onto the ring of runes on his thigh. The runes on his wand flared, he could feel it through the fabric of his pocket, matching the magic he had marked in his flesh.

It wasn't flashy, or fast. He doubted his father could even feel the change in the spell that held Sirius. It was as though the magic had frayed, like and old curtain and you could see the light through it. Slowly, like moving through treacle Sirius' hand went up and into his pocket. As his fingers curled around the wand, he dropped the magic flowing through his skin and forced his will into the wand instead, 'Finite incantatem!'

Orion's spell dropped from Sirius, and he casually pulled the wand from his pocket. He had no idea if finite had worked, or if his father had grown bored of holding him. But at least it showed he had tried.

Orion held his hand out, but Sirius hesitated, 'I… would rather not.'

That earned him a raised eyebrow, 'No?'

In for a knut in for a galleon, 'Yes. It's mine.' Sirius waited, never certain of Orion's whims.

Orion nodded, 'Very good. Never surrender your wand Sirius, not to anyone. You are a Black, you do not answer to anyone, except your elders.' He turned back to his chair and book, 'Your mother has taken to her bed, you should see her.' The conversation was closed.

Sirius sighed as he closed the drawing room door behind himself. There were only a few reasons Walburga took to her bed in the middle of the day. One, she had lost badly enough to Orion for him to have put her there; two, she was sulking about something; three, both.

He tried not to drag his feet as he climbed the stairs, carefully tucking his wand away again, and ignoring the growing, stabbing pain in his right thigh. He'd deal with that later.

He knocked and waited this time. He heard the tiptoeing of feet across the Persian rug, then the polished floorboards that he dreaded. The door opened a crack, and Regulus' pinched, worried face peered round it at him. Regulus relaxed, and opened the door enough to let Sirius in, turning the key in the lock behind him and scurrying back to the bed.

It was a huge Queen Anne affair, larger than some cars Sirius had seen, piled high with cushions and sheets. Regulus curled into a ball, knees right up under his chin, as he touched their mother's shoulder lightly. Sirius saw she was wearing just a shift, probably what had been under her dress from before. Her hair was still half pinned up, and he spotted the silver backed brush on the covers. Regulus had been attempting to deal with her hair, before the thick mane because irreversibly tangled. Again.

She looked around, wild eyed as she caught Regulus' hand. 'It's him! I told you not to let him in!' She sounded panicked, and Sirius felt something cold and painful latch into his ribs.

Regulus stuttered, trying to explain, looking to Sirius to help.

Sirius stepped forwards until he stood at the end of the bed, 'Mother? It's me, not him.'

Her eyes snapped to Sirius, there was a charge in the air, as though the very walls held their breath.

Walburga sighed, a great release of tension. She slid to the end of the bed, shift caught on her knees and pulling it down to bare her shoulder and she reached for him. She cupped Sirius' cheek in her hand, 'Yes. It is you. My clever son, to have snuck out and in again.'

Sirius laughed, the game easy now he knew what rules her twisted mind had latched onto this hour, 'Not so clever if everyone knows I did it. Will you come and sit at your vanity?'

Walburga did as he said. Sirius held his hand out for the brush from Regulus, settling into the rhythm he knew so well. Once her hair was free of pins and tangles, he plaited it quickly. Walburga's hair reached most of the way down her back, black and lustrous when cared for, but easily ran to mats and disarray. He had just reached passed her to put down the brush when the air changed. When she changed.

She was lighting fast, he fingers gripping his wrist with painful tightness, twisting him and turning in her seat to force Sirius to his knees on the floor beside her stool. 'Where were you, you foul little beast?'

Sirius didn't look to Regulus, his brother was well versed in keeping out of range, 'I went up to town, to get my school – '

She cut him off, grabbing his chin with her spare hand and digging the claw like tips of her nails into his cheeks, 'How dare you speak back to me? I know what you were doing, cavorting with mudbloods, besmirching the good name of our family.' Her voice was barely more than a whisper, a lover's promise of what was to come.

Sirius' eyes moved, glancing to see if her wand was on the vanity, where the men in the house always put it when helping her to bed. It was, but worse, his gaze drew hers and she lunged for it, as though afraid he would take it from her.

'Depulso!' She screamed, and Sirius slid back across the floor, and collided with the solid wall at the head of the bed.

Walburga stood, drawing herself up to her full height, taller than Alphard, but still only shoulder height to Orion. A wave of her wand and a bedgown covered her shift. On lesser women it could have been a ballgown, brocade and embroidered with a train and tied shut with ribbon. Even as she approached her fifties, she was still a stunning woman.

'Get up, brat.'

Sirius pulled himself up, standing straight backed in front of her.

'How dare you disobey, how dare you leave this house unaccompanied?' She spat at him.

Sirius' temper could only be dampened so far, 'I did bloody not!' he snapped back, 'I went with your brother, my uncle.'

The hex she used was wordless, but it hit like a slap across the face. Sirius head snapped to the side, and he could feel his skin bubble and blister across his cheek. He gave her a calculating look and spat blood onto the wooden boards beneath his feet.

The next one was like he had been sucker punched, he felt his knees collide with the floor as he doubled over, trying to gasp a breath.

'Apologise.' Her tone was icy.

'Do one.' Sirius managed through crackling lungs.

'Imperio!'

Bliss flooded through him. Even the pain stopped.

Walburga sounded so reasonable, 'Come here Sirius.' He started to unfold, to rise, even as his legs rebelled. 'No. You may crawl.'

There was a hint of amusement in her voice now, he was so pleased. It was good to make her happy, and so he did it. Crawling across the floor to her feet.

A wave of dizziness passed through him, giving the bliss a shake. He almost managed a thought, but she levelled her wand at him again, strengthening the Imperious curse and he subsided again. Eyes cast down towards the fascinating colours and movement of the rug beneath his knees. Magically made for the patterns danced and the leaves and plants within them swayed. Sirius felt like he was swaying too.

'Apologise Sirius. Apologise and then you can sleep.'

That sounded good. He was tired.

'I'm sorry Mother.'

Walburga lifted the hem of her gown slightly, and he did what was expected. Bending to kiss her toes, Sirius was aware of a warm sensation at his ribs. The wand, he realised, in his jacket pocket.

Then Walburga muttered something, and Sirius realised no more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so content warning again for self-harm, and more violence/abuse.

Sirius woke in his own bed. Well, he reassessed, _on_ his own bed. He was still fully clothes and, yes that was the smell of blood on his shirt. He sat up, an action with caused him to cough which in turn made his ribs burn like a fire in the night.

He hung his head, arms resting on his knees as he waited to catch his breath again. He hated that woman, his hatred was all he could focus on, as his brain reminded him of the Imperious curse, of crawling like a dog, of… ugh, kissing her feet. It was too foul. His stomach flipped, and he bit down on his tongue to stop the urge to vomit.

Sirius pushed himself off the bed, and then froze. His hand scrabbled to his jacket pocket, his heart hammering hard enough to make his ribs ache again. His fingers scraped against something hard and jagged and sharp, and then the smooth wood of his wand. Tension fled from his shoulders and he sank back to sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled the wand from his pocket and gazed at it. The runes didn't glow, but he could feel the power inside the wand. He ran his thumb over the marks again and a deep glow followed his movement across them. Like a cat arching into a favourite hand. He smiled, pleased all over again. He carefully put the wand on his bedside table, lighting the lamp on as he did so. His chest burned again, but with emotion this time and he had to fight the desire to snatch the wand back up again. But he needed his hands.

Sirius firstly investigated the sharp thing in his jacket, pulling it off carefully to avoid upsetting his ribs further. The sharp thing, it turned out, was his jacket. The blue green iridescence of the lining had melted where his wand had been. He remembered the heat that had poured from it when he had been under the Imperious curse with a frown. He had never heard or read of wands acting this way, but then… he could spend more time studying. In the years he had a tutor, Sirius was more often to be found tormenting them than actually reading.

He laid the jacket on the bed and turned to his shirt. There were flecks of blood, mostly Sirius suspected from biting his tongue when Walburga had thrown him across the room. Or when he had spat blood from her stupid hex. He coughed again, covering his mouth and feeling hot blood on his hand. So, the shirt could have been from that too. He sighed and pulled it off, tie as well, over his head. He threw the lot into the corner. Kreacher would sort it later.

His trousers he pushed over his hips, slipping easily past his hip bones, and kicked towards the shirt and tie. Only then did he turn to face the full mirror.

Across his right ribs and abdomen was the culprit of the agonising pain and blood coughing. A purpling bruise spread. It looked as though he had been kicked by an Abraxan. That was the second hex, he thought. He barely bothered with the precursory check of his face, that would be healed before anyone saw him, neither of his parents would let the world know their son had been hexed. Besides the bubbled, half melted texture of his skin made his stomach clench, so it was best ignored.

He focused instead on the ring of tiny runes etched in black in just below the line of his boxers. He clenched his jaw in annoyance. The ink was dispersing spreading away from the neat lines he had made weeks ago. He thought it had healed properly. Maybe the magic in the runes was the problem, its use caused the tattoo to degrade. He sighed and crossed to the writing desk to retrieve the ink; it must be redone. The runes had done their job, but he expected they would be needed again.

The pen knife, a ninth birthday gift from Alphard, was hidden in a secret panel in his headboard. It had taken days of careful work with the blade and saw to release a section of panelling and carve out the wood behind. He had three such hidey holes now, and was working on a fourth, larger one, in the underside of the bed.

He didn't need the notes he had made though, hidden in their own secret place in the bedpost. He could see the runes well enough still and could read them fairly well too. Well, the meanings he wanted from them, anyway.

His knife stung; it always did. Sirius thought he would get used to it, but he didn't. His early failed attempts to protect himself he had never cut deep enough; it was like a cat scratch and once healed the marks he made faded away. He kept deep, even breaths; he had slipped before too. The scar inside his left thigh a reminder of what happened when you weren't careful.

The problem was the knife wasn't really fine, or sharp enough for this. But at least the runes were angular. There was only a little skill required to make them small enough for his purposes.

Sirius carved, holding the meaning of each rune in his head as he worked. As blood slid down the pale skin of his thigh to soak into the blanket beneath him. It was black, the blood wouldn't show. Or if it did Kreacher certainly didn't care enough to do anything about Sirius bleeding. The last – _Algiz_ , a warrior rune – slid into his skin, Sirius had no fear of slipping now, nor his hands shaking. The act had taken away the fear, cold numbness filled him now, as it so often did. He overloaded his quill with the black ink and let it flow into each cut, each mark. It felt cold too, against his open flesh. Nine times he filled the runes each, nine by nine a very magical combination. His eyes drifted across his legs now and then. He had six such set of runes now, scattered across his skin. It wasn't until he stood to get the bandages from his drawer that he could hook a thumb into his boxers and tug the band down enough to see the first though. Nestled just inside his hip bone, the black shape of _Ē_ _ar_ the rune of death and the passing of happiness. It is a little shaky, but he cannot bring himself to remake it. That feels like an afront to the nine-year-old boy who stilled his shaking hands and sobbing chest to make a mark and seal away his pain.

Each of them had a purpose, he ran through them in his head as he strapped the bandages to his thigh. This one to break free of binding magic, another to help him move more quietly (though that one he thinks would be better on his foot), another to shield him from certain kinds of spying magic. They worked too, to a greater or lesser extent. The Black family library was extensive, Sirius poured many hours into studying the runes and their purposes, far more than any work set him by tutors.

He sighed and carefully manoeuvred into his pyjamas. They were loose enough not to bother the bandage, or fresh tattoo underneath. He had only started buttoning the shirt when there came a tiny knock on the door.

'Yeah Reg, I'm up.'

Regulus slipped around the door and hopped up onto the big bed. 'How are you?'

Sirius turned and cocked his head, for ten Regulus seemed small and young. Sirius flashed him the bruises and went back to doing up his shirt, 'About as well as expected.'

Regulus shook his head at Sirius in the mirror, 'Why do you do it?'

The urge to shout, to shake Regulus rose in Sirius for a moment. He shoved it roughly down, 'Because she drives me mad Reg. I know you get the softer side more than me, but you have to see that she's mental?'

Regulus clicked his tongue, much better at reining his temper than Sirius, 'She's not well Siri. It isn't her fault.'

Sirius shook his head, it felt like bees were buzzing in his blood, 'No. She's not well, but it is her fault she uses Unforgivables on her son.' He looked at Regulus, taking in the distress that would be invisible to anyone outside the family, 'Argh!' He threw himself down on the bed next to his brother, ignoring the lash of pain that caused, 'I know it's because I look like Father. Because they have that… that whole thing.' He held up a hand to stop Regulus interjecting, 'And I know I rise to it and make it worse. But I just can't stop myself, I get so angry.'

Sirius knew, deep down, that's what the cold feeling was. It wasn't good, or protective, not really. It was devil-may-care self-destruction. If he was cold, she would be angrier, that led to greater violence. But he pushed this from his mind.

'Anyway, I'm off to Hogwarts in a month. I'll be fine.' Sirius jumped up, and swore viciously as his ribs screamed at him, 'I got you something today.'

He knelt to rip open one of the packages of books from Diagon Alley and flourished one above his head. He spun and clambered back onto the bed to pass the gift to his brother.

Regulus' eyes lit up, 'Beedle? You got me a new one?'

Sirius nodded with a grin, 'Yeah. That last tutor was a shit for burning your old copy. Try and keep this one safe though, eh?'

Regulus nodded, 'I promise.'

Sirius nodded again and turned out the light. Letting his little brother snuggle in against him. One hand wrapped tightly around his wand, as Regulus slept, cradling his new book.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN. Hello! I hope everyone is well, staying safe. Take care, stay home where you can.
> 
> I just want to say, I am trying to use the language I would expect from pre-teens in 1971 rather than how I feel myself. It is my suspicion that Walburga Black (along with plenty other members of that family) was mentally ill and the family dynamics must have been very toxic. Where possible I've used the dates given to us by J.K.R. on the Black Family Tree, and best guess where not available.
> 
> This chapter is our second from Remus, I'll be jumping back and forth between a few characters as we go. Sirius is not the most reliable narrator I've also obviously pinched some of JK's lines of dialogue for this scene, since she so nicely furnished us with them. Not that I think Severus is the most reliable narrator either. Anyway, enjoy R&R please, let me know what you'd like to see from the young Gryffindors in 1971!

Remus hugged his book to his chest. Technically it was his father's, Hope bought it for Lyall as an educational birthday present and he had read it to Remus. Today, it was Remus'. He hugged The Hobbit tighter, trying to remember that Bilbo had been nervous too so it was fine for him to be.

A hand squeezed his shoulder, and Remus looked up into his dad's smiling face. 'You'll be just fine Remus, you can owl us anytime.'

Remus swallowed and nodded, glancing at the scarlet steam engine waiting to whisk him away, 'I remember Dadi.'

Hope fussed at his hair, 'And remember to speak English, none of these lot will speak Welsh I reckon.'

He gave her a tight little nod, 'Aye Mam, I will.'

She wrapped him in a hug, Remus could smell her sandalwood perfume – he had saved up his pocket money for months to buy it for her birthday. She wore it on special occasions.

'Let him breathe love,' Lyall laughed, 'Remus is all grown up now.' But Remus could see the tension in his father's face. Lyall had spent years protecting him from the wizarding world, and now they were sending him off into it alone. 'Do you want a hand getting your trunk on the train?'

Remus shook his head, 'I can – can manage. Thanks Dad.'

Lyall helped him up the steps all the same, he caught Remus' hand just before Remus started down the corridor, 'Be careful my boy, promise me you will.'

Remus blinked hard, pushing the tiny spark of frustration at being reminded – again – away, 'I promise Da, honestly.'

Lyall took a deep breath, 'Alright then. Have fun Remus. We love you.'

'Dad!' he could feel the blush spreading across his cheeks as Lyall grinned and stepped neatly back onto the platform.

Remus bumped his trunk down the corridor, hunting for an empty compartment. He found one with a single occupant, a redheaded girl who look about his age. Her head was bent over a book in her lap. It seemed like the safest choice. He pushed the door open and cleared his throat gently. She didn't look up.

'Um, excuse me, sorry…'

She jumped, bright green eyes locking on his. He had startled her, but what caught his attention was the red ringing her eyes, she scrubbed a hand across her cheeks. Yes. She had been crying alright. 'Oh! I'm sorry.' Her voice was clear and bright, even though she was upset, 'Would you like a hand?' She jumped up and carefully put her book down on the seat.

'If you don't mind me – um – interrupting?'

She shook her head, and the two of them pushed the trunk into the overhead rack next to hers. She pushed a curl of flaming hair back and held out her hand to him, 'Hi. I'm Lily, Lily Evans.'

Remus swallowed his nerves, and clasped her hand back, 'Hello, I'm Remus Lupin.'

Lily smiled then, 'Nice to meet you Remus Lupin.' She sat back in her seat next to the window, and Remus sat across from her, 'I love your trunk, so retro.'

He chuckled shyly, 'Actually it's my Dad's from when he was at Hogwarts.' As were his robes, and some of his books. But that was alright, Remus had always had hand-me-downs, he didn't mind.

Lily nodded, 'I brought some of my…' and the light faded a little in her eyes, 'some of my sister's clothes with me too. She's older than me and has the best stuff.'

'Which year is she in?' He asked curiously.

Lily went slightly pink again, 'Oh, she isn't. She, um, she's a Muggle.'

Remus felt the combination of relief and annoyance wash over him, this poor girl hadn't even made it to Hogwarts yet and she was already upset about being Muggleborn. His Dad had warned him to be careful, as a half blood. He set a cheery smile on his face and said, 'My Mum's a Muggle too.'

She smiled too then, 'Oh, so you are a… halfblood then? I have a friend who is too. But he doesn't seem to be here yet.'

'What does he look like? I can help you – ' at that moment they were interrupted by the door sliding open almost forcefully enough to be a slam, but not quite.

A tall boy with wavy black hair down to his shoulders stood in the doorway. He considered Remus and Lily with icy silver eyes, before a cheerful grin spilled across his features, 'Hello. Can I sit here? Everywhere else is pretty full.'

Lily paused, torn between whatever was upsetting her when Remus had arrived, and politeness. Before Remus could say anything though, the boy threw himself into the seat next to Remus, 'Ta muchly. I hope we move soon.' He was quite a few inches taller than Lily or Remus and lounging in the seat he took up quite a bit of space. He turned that lazy smile on them again, 'So, who are we all?'

This seemed like a slightly rude way of starting introductions to Remus, but Lily offered her hand to the new boy, 'I'm Lily Evans, and this is Remus Lupin.'

The boy took her hand and gave it a small squeeze. He dipped his head towards her in a way that felt oddly formal to Remus, as though he would kiss her hand like in an old romantic book. He took the new boy's hand when it was offered though, and received a firm, but not tight shake, 'A pleasure.'

'What's your –' Remus was interrupted for the second time in as many minutes when the sliding door careened open again, and two shorter boys came in. One, slightly podgy and sandy haired, hung back. The other, small and wiry with black hair that stuck up everywhere, launched himself between Lily and Remus to lean out of the window.

'Bye Mum! Send me loads of cake!' He was waving ecstatically towards an older man and woman who laughed and waved back as finally the train whistle blew out and with a chug started to move. The Boy Who Loved Cake, grinned and hung out of the window until the train picked up speed and he nearly lost his balance.

He spun around, beaming at the carriage, 'Hello everyone. I'm James Potter and this,' here he gestured to the round-faced boy, 'is Peter Pettigrew. Who, as you can see, is in desperate need of cheering up.'

Remus and Lily shuffled towards the window on their respective seats to make room for the extra two boys. The introductions began again, though the tall boy still hadn't managed to introduce himself when they were interrupted once more. This time it was yet another boy, already dressed in his school robes, who pushed past Remus to sit opposite Lily.

Remus tried not to listen in to their conversation, it was clearly private, and James had just launched into a speech about how he couldn't wait for the first Quidditch game.

Peter started to say something about the Hufflepuff team when James looked around at Lily's friend, 'Slytherin?' He sneered, 'Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?' He asked the tall boy who was still lounging at his ease.

The tall boy didn't smile, 'My whole family have been in Slytherin.' And there was something about the way he said it that made the hairs on the back of Remus' neck stand up.

'Blimey,' exclaimed James, 'and I though you seemed alright!'

The other boy grinned, 'Maybe I'll break tradition.' He looked interested now, 'Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?'

James hefted one arm, in what he seemed to think was dramatic and sang, ' _Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!_ ' he grinned brandishing his invisible sword, 'Like my dad.'

Lily's friend made a disparaging noise, which drew James' attention back to him, 'Got a problem with that?'

'No.' The other boy said, with a sneer that made it clear he was lying, 'If you'd rather be brawny than brainy – '

The tall boy interjected, 'Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you are neither?' His tone was cold, and something unpleasant glimmered in his silver eyes as James roared with laughter.

Lily flushed and stood up, 'Come on Severus,' she said, glaring at James and their tall friend with dislike, 'Let's find another compartment.'

'Ooooooo,' the boys imitated her and as they passed James tried to trip Severus.

'See ya, Snivellus!' Peter called after them as the compartment door slammed.

Remus frowned, 'That wasn't particularly kind.'

James shrugged, 'He wasn't particularly kind to us.' He rounded on the tall boy, 'So, come on, out with it. Who are you?'

He pushed his wavy black hair back and sighed, 'Fine, but you have to remember I plan on breaking every tradition they have. Right?' He stared seriously at each of them until they nodded.

'I'm Sirius Black.'

James went briefly still, Peter caught Remus' eye and shrugged, obviously unaware. Remus felt like someone had dropped a block of ice down his spine.

Sirius sighed again, 'Yeah I thought you'd look at me like that. Look, everything you've heard, it doesn't apply to me.'

James smirked, 'You mean you aren't filthy rich and your family doesn't basically run the Wizengamot?'

Sirius let out a laugh like a bark, throwing his head back, 'Ha! Yes, alright that's true. But I'm not my family.' He'd waved a hand lazily at James, 'Your father invented Sleekeazy's, have you looked in a mirror this month.'

There was a beat and then all four boys were laughing, James slumped back in his seat and Peter nearly fell under the table.

When the witch cane around with a trolly full of every kind of wizarding treat Remus could imagine, Sirius and James bought so much of everything there wasn't room on the table. Remus smiled gently, 'You two do realise there is a feast when we arrive?'

Sirius nodded, carefully unwrapping a chocolate frog, 'Of course, but growing boys need their strength.' He is smile turned wicked and he dropped his voice into a dramatic stage whisper, 'Especially to get through… the sorting!'

Peter dropped his pumpkin pastie into his lap, 'Do you know what happens?' He squeaked, 'My mum won't tell me, except that it's very important and it happens in front of everyone, and you have to prove which house you belong to.'

Remus rolled his eyes as both Sirius and James started to develop evil looks, 'Ignore them Peter.' He said kindly, 'They don't know. And even if they did they would make up something horrid to scare us.'

They spend the rest of the journey discussing what they actually did know about the school. No one believed James that there was a giant squid in the lake – Sirius refused to believe in giant squids at all – but everyone was willing to take Sirius' word that the Slytherins lived in the dungeons, beneath even the lake. 'Well, each house represents an element,' he explained carefully, 'water for Slytherin so they are under the lake. Air for Ravenclaw, which is why they have one of the tallest towers. Hufflepuff is earth I think, but I don't know where they live.' He shrugged easily, as though one quarter of the Hogwarts houses was of no consequence, 'And Gryffindor is fire, but no Black has ever set foot in there.'

'Until now.' James grinned at him, 'You're way too groovy to be anywhere else.'

Eventually it was dark and they had to pull their black robes on. Sirius removed and folded his black suit jacket neatly. Remus noticed the monogrammed cufflinks on his white shirt and looked away – trying not to think about how much money a family has to have to start buying monogrammed cufflinks from eleven year olds.

Under the instruction of a giant man who rounded up all the first years, they wound their way through the thick trees of the grounds until suddenly the vast black lake was in front of them, reflecting the clear night sky above. The castle towered over the lake on the mountain side, it was vast, much bigger than Remus had expected. Its twinkling lights shone down like fairy lights and seemed to lend a warmth to his chest. This was his home for the next five years at least.

He, James, Sirius and Peter crammed into one of the little boats as they set off across the water. Peter clamped his arms around his knees, squeaking almost inaudibly to Remus that he was afraid of open water and couldn't swim.

Sirius had gone still, sitting ahead of Peter, eyes fixed on the castle like a hunting dog on alert. James was standing in the prow of their little boat, but even his flamboyant nature seemed calmed by the stillness and apprehensive air that seemed to overtake the first years.

Lyall had described the Great Hall to Remus, and he had read about it in Howarts: A History many times. Remus had in fact read all his school books in preparation. Still the starry sky above their heads took his breath away. All around him the other first years gasped and cooed in awe.

Ahead of them, on a little three-legged stool stood a tattered old hat, as he watched a tear on its brim opened like a mouth and the hat began to sing, ' _Oh you may not think I'm pretty…_ '

Next to him, he felt Sirius twitch. Remus glanced up to see his eyes fixed on the table to their right. A girl – young woman really, he thought – with long blonde hair pinned in a complicated knot and bright blue eyes was staring back at Sirius, as though she was trying to communicate with him without words. Sirius forced his eyes back on to the hat as it finished singing.

A severe looking witch, with horn-rimmed glasses stepped forward now, with a long roll of parchment, 'When I call your name, you will sit and place the hat on your head to be sorted.'

She glanced at the list and continued, 'Abbott, Thomas.' A slight blondehaired boy shuffled cautiously forward and sat on the stall. The witch lowered the hat on to his head and the room wait with bated breath, a moment later it declared 'HUFFLEPUFF!' and the table on the far right broke into cheers and applause.

'Adams, Richard.' Led to loud cheering from the table on the left as he was sorted into 'RAVENCLAW'

'Black, Sirius.'

The Hall quieted down, but apart from the blonde haired girl to Remus' right no one seemed to be paying a huge amount of attention. Sirius had said his whole family were in Slytherin. Though now he looked around what he had taken for disinterested muttering seemed to be muttered comments as many eyes followed Sirius' path to the stool.

He sat, the hat was lowered on to his head. Remus felt his heart beat twice and then the hat screamed, 'GRYFFINDOR!'

The Hall was silent.

Sirius stood, graceful as a dancer and started towards the table on the far left of the hall. He sat, regally, at one end and Remus watched as those nearest to him slid further down the bench away from him. Sirius' face was set, totally neutral.

Already Bulstrode, Lorrance and Conners, Miranda had been sorted into Slytherin and Ravenclaw each, and the students in the Hall seemed to drag their attention back to the sorting. Remus started to feel nervous, and more so when, 'Evans, Lily' sat on the stool for less than a second before joining Sirius at the Gryffindor table. Though he noticed she sat far away from Sirius.

'Fawley, Alice,' Followed Lily to Gryffindor and slid gratefully into the seat next to her, glancing at Sirius anxiously. Another Ravenclaw, Horatio Greengrass and a Gryffindor, Frank Longbottom were sorted, then 'Lupin, Remus.'

Remus felt his hands soak with sweat and the roof of his mouth go dry. He passed James on his way to the stool who gave him a winning smile.

The hall plunged into darkness as the sat slipped over his eyes, and a little voice said quietly in his ear, ' _Ah, what do we have here._ '

'Um, hello.' Remus thought back.

' _Another Lupin. Your father was Ravenclaw, and in you I can see a great deal of Rowena's wisdom._ ' The voice chuckled, ' _And a serving of her wit too. How interesting. But beneath that, there is pain. Such pain, and the bravery to face it.'_ Remus felt his shoulders shrug, he didn't feel very brave, he just… got on with it. Wasn't that what you were supposed to do?

' _Yes, I think I shall. Books and cleverness will only get you so far, I think it will do you good.'_

The hat yelled for the whole Hall to hear, 'GRYFFINDOR!'

Remus staggered to his feet, making a bee line straight for Sirius, who slide over slightly so Remus could sit next to him. The table had exploded into yet more applause and it seemed to Remus as though the tables were trying to out do each other now.

The sorting continued and Remus tried to get his focus back, Some where around Parkinson, Perseus, Remus noticed the tiny half moon shaped indents on the wood of the table in front of him, as though someone had been digging their fingernails into the surface. He glanced at Sirius, who's whole attention seemed to be on the sorting. Expect, now he was looking for it Remus could smell and underlying trace of adrenalin and anxiety coming from the taller boy. He was doing a very good job of hiding it though.

Suddenly Gryffindor table exploded again as Peter joined them, followed moments later by James. They had done it, all four train friends together again. They all grinned at each other across the table.

'Nice work!' James whispered as Professor Dumbledore stood, and began to speak.

'Thank you Professor McGonagall. And welcome and congratulations to our new pupils. Enjoy the feast.'

He clapped his hands and plates, platters and dishes appeared from nowhere.

James and Peter dug in like starving men, Remus had to admit the food looked fantastic. He helped himself to beef wellington, roast potatoes. He turned to Sirius, 'Could you pass the carrots?'

Sirius started, he'd been staring into the distance, 'Pardon?'

'He wants the carrots.' James would grin, 'Where did you go?'

Sirius took in the food – and his still empty plate – before quickly grabbing the dish of carrots and handing them to Remus, 'Nowhere, sorry. Those Yorkshires look good, Pete, chuck us the gravy.'

They ate, and ate, and when Remus was fairly certain not a one of them could eat anymore – their plates were magicked clean and deserts appeared. Mountains of ice cream, jellies, cakes bigger than the serving dishes in Remus' kitchen at home. When he asked James for a slice of the chocolate gateau, he received a plateful the size of his head.

Finally Professor Dumbledore stood up to speak, 'Welcome, welcome and welcome back to you all. I am delighted to see all your faces. There are just a few announcement, Mr. Flich would like me to remind you all that Zonkos' products are completely banned, as always. A reminder that the Forbidden Forest is indeed forbidden. Also, Professor Sprout has recently acquired a new Whomping Willow tree. It is planted in the grounds near the Forest. She warns us all that anyone attempting to approach the tree will be attacked by its defences and as such no one is to go near it.' He smiled around the Hall, 'And now, please all have a good night's sleep.'

With this, the Hall bubbled back into noise as they all stood and made their way out of the Hall.

The First Year Gryffindors followed a tall prefect with a long blond braid down her back, up staircases, through twisting passages. They slipped behind two tapestries into corridors hidden from sight and finally, inside a tower they stopped in front of a portrait of a rather large woman. Through the portrait hole and up the stairs found Remus, James, Sirius, Peter and a round faced boy called Frank in a circular dormitory. Their trunks had already been placed at the end of each of the four poster beds.

James launched himself onto his bed, grinning, 'This is brilliant!'

Frank sat on the edge of his bed, 'It's nice to meet you.' Remus noticed his gaze did not extend to Sirius, who was investigating his bedside table and seemed oblivious to Frank.

James, on the other hand noticed. 'Do you two know each other?' He asked Sirius.

'We are related.' Sirius muttered, as though it was of no consequence. He started rummaging in is trunk.

'No very related.' Frank rushed to add.

Sirius stood up and looked at Frank, his silver eyes frozen again, 'No. Less closely than you and I James.'

Peter halfway through pulling out his pyjamas, 'How closely is that?'

Sirius sighed, unbuttoning his shirt, 'My first cousin twice removed is Frank's uncle. Whereas my great uncle Charlus is James' uncle.'

'The Blacks are related to everyone, or else they would be inbred. Not that it stops them.'

Remus froze. The temperature is the room dropped about fifty degrees. Sirius turned slowly to face Frank. His pristine shirt hung open now, revealing pale skin. Remus thought he saw something dark by Sirius' hip, just under the top of his dress trousers.

Frank stood too, a hard look on his face, 'What Black?'

'I will say this once.' Remus felt a shudder down his spine, like his hackles were trying to raise, even though it was still four days until the moon. Sirius' voice was so calm, so cold, 'I am not like them. I am not, and never will be. I do not expect you to be like them either.'

With that he turned his back, and finished changing. Everyone looked away from Frank's now scarlet face, and Sirius' angry back.

Remus got into his own bed, pulling the curtains to change, and hiding The Hobbit under his pillow.

It wasn't long before he could hear whispering from James' and Sirius' side of the dorm, and he fell asleep to the sounds of four other boys slowly getting used to sharing their space.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! How are we all doing in lockdown? Good I hope, and staying safe. All my writing energy had been taken up with the lockdown (and writing my actual novel, we're… 27 days from a deadline, 58 from our final deadline. Wish me luck! (now I come back to finish this chapter I'm 7 days away from that first deadline, Gods help me))
> 
> Anyway, I though we might try something today, a character I haven't written from the POV of before, so feedback please! I'm not planning on doing a day by day run through of '71-'72 but we might end up with a bit more of that to start with. We shall see. Anyway, take care, stay home and stay safe! And thank you to any and all key workers out there! <3

James Potter woke with a start. His eyes snapped open at the feeling on unfamiliar sheets and the strange weight of his scarlet blanket. As the blurry colours of his bed's canopy swam above him a grin plastered itself across his face. He ripped the curtains back and grabbed his glasses to check the brass travelling clock on his nightstand. Six thirty, Thursday 2nd September, and the moon was – he squinted at the little moon on the clock face – about three quarters full.

He rubbed his face, he wasn't normally up this early, but there was excitement bubbling inside his chest. He wanted to wake his new friends, jump up and down, run through the halls – his stomach growled – and maybe get some breakfast.

James stood up and grabbed his wash bag to go to the bathroom, shoving his feet into his slippers to ward off the cold castle floors. He glanced at the window to see what the weather was doing and nearly dropped his bag. Sitting as still as if he was carved from the window ledge was Sirius. His dark head leaning against the leaded panes, silver eyes unseeing, staring out across the golden, dawn washed lawn of the castle.

He hadn't seemed to have noticed James yet, so James started towards him, whispering, 'Morning Sirius.'

Sirius jumped, spinning around, 'James.' He pushed a hand through his hair, and James felt the tiniest twinge of envy as Sirius' hair fell back in perfect waves, 'Good morning. No one else is up yet.'

They'd talked for at least an hour last night, comparing broomsticks and what lessons they thought would be most exciting. After the thing with Frank, Sirius had seemed completely calm by the time they'd fallen asleep. Now though, James could feel a frantic, almost trapped tension to Sirius' energy.

'Do you want to go see if breakfast is ready?'

Sirius slid of the window ledge, 'Yeah, sure.' He started pulling his robes out of his trunk and James slipped out to brush his teeth. He promised his mum, he would wash and brush his teeth, at least until he'd managed cleansing spells, he grinned to himself in the bathroom mirror.

'Hurry up Jimmy!' Sirius stuck his head around the bathroom door, 'Here, I brought your clothes.' Coming in, he threw a bundle of clothes at James' head. 'I need to brush my teeth.'

James yanked his pyjama top off and grabbed the t-shirt Sirius' had brought him, 'Nice, The Beatles.'

Sirius frowned at him in the mirror, 'Haht?' Sirius attempted around his toothbrush.

'The Beatles.' He pulled the t-shirt on and pointed to the band emblazoned across it, 'They're this awesome Muggle band. I've got some LPs with me, and the portable record player.' James grinned at his new friend, 'Don't worry we'll get you caught up on all the good bands.'

When they were done, James opened the dormitory door just far enough to launch his pyjamas on to his bed, before they shot off, down the spiral stairs. Their dormitory was at the very top, and they had to slip past all the other year's boys' rooms before they leapt the last few steps into the common room.

'Can you remember the way back to the Hall?' James asked.

Sirius cocked his head, thinking, 'I reckon so. But we've got ages yet, so doesn't matter if we _have_ to explore a bit on the way.'

'Very, very true.'

In the end, it only took them a hour to find their way to the Hall, and three minor detours through passages hidden behind tapestries. The keen senses of two eleven year old boys however were finely attuned to the smell of freshly cooked bacon.

The Great Hall was mostly empty, very few students having made it down yet, but James eyed the seventh year Ravenclaws huddled around cups of tea and leafing through books. He lead Sirius to the far end of the Gryffindor table, 'This looks brilliant!'

Sirius slid into a seat, 'There's so much, and no one to say we can't just have sausages.'

They shared a grin.

Sirius was pouring his second cup of peppermint tea, and James was considering a third round of toast when it happened again. James had just opened his mouth to say something when that freezing stillness came over Sirius, just like it had last night. His eyes were still on the hot water he was pouring, but James didn't think he was seeing it.

'Sirius? What is it?'

He put the pot down with a quite thunk, 'Nothing. What were you going to say?'

James frowned. Sirius' voice hadn't been that proper, his words that clipped in the dark last night talking about Quidditch. He glanced around the room, the hairs on the back of his neck rising to see that blonde Slytherin girl watching them again. Like she had been in the sorting.

'Someone you know?' He murmured, applying himself to the toast again.

Sirius seemed to take forever to consider this, 'Just another Black Family nutter.'

'Which one?'

'Narcissa, she's my cousin. When do you reckon post comes?'

The temperature warmed slightly, Sirius trying to be normal again.

James grinned, 'Probably when everyone is down, and it's getting busy now so soon? I hope my parents send me something good!'

Sirius nodded, 'Like what?'

Peter, Remus and Frank all appeared together, Frank gave Sirius a tight little nod and then chose to sit closer to the First Year Gryffindor girls.

James felt himself frowning with concern again, 'You alright Remus?'

The tawny haired boy looked up, half guilt, half surprise on his face, 'Yes. Thank you.' He looked like he hadn't slept at all.

Sirius and James shared a look. Even in their shared worry for their new friend, James' heart leapt in his chest. He'd only met Sirius yesterday, but already he knew they were the best friend each other had ever had.

Wordlessly, Sirius reached for the tea pot, and James started passing eggs, sausages and bacon to Remus and Peter. Peter helped himself to at least double what Remus and Sirius had.

James beamed at him, 'Atta boy Peter. We growing young men need hearty breakfasts.'

'They have tea bags. Do you have a preference?' Sirius asked Remus.

Remus looked up from spreading toast, 'Earl Grey please.'

Peter shook his head, 'I don't like tea.'

'Me either,' James agreed. 'Oh! Look, post.'

Hundreds of owls of every possibly colour and breed swarmed through the rafters, many carrying parcels of whatever had been forgotten. James recognised his mum's barn owl as she circled over head to spot him, then descended to land on his head. Peter giggled.

James rescued the letter and small parcel and gave her some toast before she flew off again.

In front of Sirius, perched on top of the tea pot, was a luxurious looking eagle owl. Sirius was attempting to ignore him.

'Just take the letter,' Remus said quietly.

Sirius was halfway through shaking his head when the bird attacked, talons streaking up Sirius' arm. James yelped and leapt forward to help, but Sirius held up a hand to stop him. He finally untied the letter, and the owl took off, knocking over the pot and sending hot water everywhere.

Sirius slid the deep green envelope into the pocket of his robes and righted the tea pot as though nothing had happened. They all stared at him.

'After all that you aren't even going to read it?' James could feel is heart racing.

'No. I am not.'

Remus' attention was on Sirius' arm though. 'I think your robes took most of it, but your hand looks – what are you doing?'

Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus' suddenly cross tone, but continued winding his hanky around his right hand. He knotted it nimbly, and turned to Remus, 'There. Good as new.'

'I really think you should see someone.'

'It's fine. Really.'

As James watched, it seemed to occur to Sirius that what had just happened was not normal. Sirius shrugged, 'It's my mother owl. He hates everyone apart from her, but you can't touch him before he decides or he goes for the face.'

James didn't believe him. But every time Sirius' family had come up it was like being plunged into the depths of winter, so maybe they shouldn't push him.

Sirius nodded to James' parcel, 'What did you get?'

They all leant in to hear James' letter. His parents were delighted he was in Gryffindor. The parcel contained four chocolate frogs – which James immediately split between them – and a pair of bright scarlet and gold pants, emblazoned with little lion heads, from his dad. Sirius grabbed them and put them on Peter's head immediately.

'Good morning gentlemen.' Professor McGonagoll said from behind James. Still giggling, he tipped his head back, until he was looking up at her.

'Professor! Good morning. How are you on this fine, fair morning?'

Sirius, across the table, joined in, 'I must admit Professor, you look absolutely dazzling. Are those different glasses from last night?'

Remus looked from one to the other as though he thought they had both run mad.

McGonagoll simply shook her head, 'Your timetables. I will see you all this afternoon.' She dropped four sheets into Peter's lap and continued along to the next group of students.

Remus rescued and doled out the timetables, 'Transfiguration is after lunch. We have History of Magic and Charms this morning.' He smiled, 'That sounds interesting.'

'Jimmy and I need to get our bags.' Sirius said, 'Did you bring yours?'

Peter nodded, 'Remus said we should.'

James stood up, 'Right, we'll go get our stuff. See you back here, then we'll find History together?'

Remus waved them off, sipping his tea, and James and Sirius set off at jog.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, bad news, my real world book didn't make it through to the competitions I sent it in for. Good news, agent meeting next week! Woot!
> 
> Right, back on topic! I am now putting up some one shots (mostly slashy) as part of thie series, the first one being Remus and Sirius one early morning in seventh year. I'm still trying to decide which scenes I have thought of for further down the line will go in the main fic, but there's a few that could go in either, so keep an eye out!
> 
> We are back with Sirius today, or will be when my playlist sorts itself out. I'm not writing eleven year old Sirius to Johnny B Goode – that is for older, drunker Sirius… damn, now I have a new one shot idea. Right – focus – enjoy the chapter everyone!

Sirius had, briefly, attempted to pay attention in History of Magic. Who let a ghost teach? Though privately Sirius reckoned he must have been this dull in life and bored himself to sleep. James was actually, physically bouncing in his seat across the aisle from him, and Sirius wondered if James had ever had to put up with tedium in his life. On James' other side, Peter had fallen asleep. Only Remus was studious, filling inches of parchment with tidy little notes. Sirius leant over to see and was horrified to discover Remus was using bullet points.

And then there was the letter. He knew the paper, the wax seal on the back. He could feel it, an icy poison next to his heart. It had not been addressed, so there was no way of telling which parent wrote it. Either way, he couldn't risk opening it near his… Sirius' mind rejected the word friend on instinct. The Black heir didn't have friends. Certainly not half blood friends. He risked another glance at Remus, the midmorning sun was catching the copper in his tawny hair as he leaned over the desk. Sirius smiled.

Charms was equally dull but for different reasons.

Sirius flicked and swished his wand lazily, ' _Wingardium leviosa_ ,' sending his third feather floating up to the ceiling, and cutting the spell to watch it spiral down again, landing on a Ravenclaw boy's head across the room.

Peter, pink faced from exertion, looked up at him, 'How are you doing that?'

'It's in the wrist.' Sirius lazily repeated the wand motion, 'You're waving your whole arm around.'

Peter tried. Nothing happened.

'Can you show me again.'

Sirius sighed, 'Like _this_.'

Peter's cheeks tinged pink at Sirius' tone, but he tried again. And again. The third attempt saw his feather skip a little on the desk, and Sirius bit back the urge to say it was the breeze from all Peter's flapping around.

He hadn't expected to be bored at Hogwarts.

It was easily, boringly so, to play act along with the others all through lunch. Laughing at Peter when he spilt beans on his robes from his jacket potato, nodding along to James' chatter about his new racing broom – _the Nimbus 1000, fastest one yet!_ – only Remus was quiet, eyes glued to their Transfiguration book and occasionally remembering to move a bite of sandwich to his mouth.

'More tea?'

Remus' quiet voice caught Sirius' attention fully, surprised that the smaller boy had looked up at all. They had shared another pot of Earl Grey, and Sirius' cup had been empty for a good ten minutes.

He felt a tiny smile pull at the corner of his mouth, 'Yes, thank you.'

'You sound so proper Black, does your mother know you speak to halfbloods like they are people?'

He felt sick, so instantaneously Sirius though he might vomit there on the table. James, across the table scowled at whoever was behind Sirius, 'What's it to you?'

'I don't speak to blood traitors, Potter.'

Sirius' wand was in his hand without his deciding to pull it out, but he rose and turned slowly, calculatedly.

'May I assist you..? I have no idea who you are.' He had a vague recollection of an 'M' name, but no one he was directly related to.

The boy in front of him was squat and pale enough to resemble a corpse, his face was round, and pockmarked with early acne. The expression on his face was enough to make Sirius' lip curl, the absolute disgust was too familiar by half.

'Mulciber, Mortimer Mulciber. My father – '

Sirius cut across him, 'Isn't important enough for me to know by name. And as for how I chose to speak to anyone, the only person that concerns is me.' He let cold distain flow into his voice and across his face, 'Or you, when I tell you to push off.'

'Oh really? Received any post today Black?'

Suddenly something in his chest snapped, a warmth flooding under his ribs, real or imagined he didn't know but his check on his temper was gone. The syllables that slipped from between his lips were Aramaic he thought, certainly not Latin based, but he had heard them often enough. The twitch of his wand was perfect.

Mulciber was knocked backwards, onto his arse and slid several feet away from Sirius. He coughed a mouthful of the black sticky stuff Sirius knew all too well onto the stone of the floor and gave Sirius a horrified look, then one of sickly distress.

Sirius spun, wand still ready and found himself face to chest with Professor McGonagol, 'Mr Black. Would you care to explain _precisely_ what is happening?'

Sirius barely registered the anger in her tone, certainly she was no threat to him, this old woman.

James jumped up, 'Mulciber started it Professor, he was rude about Remus and called me a blood traitor.'

Mulciber was up now and plaintively turned to McGonagol, 'Black hexed me Professor! Look!' He showed her the black tar on his hands.

McGonagol's nostrils flared, 'Mulciber go and clean yourself up, you will be fine. Black, come with me.'

'I haven't finished my lunch Professor.' Sirius was calm now, the sea of fire in his chest rapidly cooling back to ice. He indicated the new cup of tea and a half-eaten crumpet he had been trying to force down.

'Now Black.'

Remus scooped up Sirius' bag and handed it to him, there was warning in his eyes, and something else Sirius' couldn't readily identify. He took it with a shrug, 'Yes Professor.'

She swept out of the Hall and up the stairs, saying not one word to him until she had opened the door to her office and ushered him inside.

'Sit.'

Sirius sat, crossing his legs and entirely at his ease. She narrowed her eyes across her desk at him, but he did not move.

'Black, do you understand what you did to Mulciber in the Hall?'

He frowned, this he did not expect. Screaming, yes. Pain, yes. Disappointment expressed, yes. Questions that were not rhetorical, no – those were new in his experience of adults.

He considered it, 'No. And it didn't work correctly. He should have been coughing for longer.'

She sighed, a tight little sigh, 'Mr. Black, I have been wondering when you and I would have this conversation. I had hoped it would not be so soon.'

Sirius waited, wondering what she meant.

'I received an owl from your parents first thing this morning. I suspect you have as well?' Sirius nodded, and she continued, 'Well, as I am certain you're aware they are unhappy with your sorting. They have requested you be immediately transferred to Slytherin House –'

'No.'

'– which would be impossible. We do not resort at Hogwarts.'

Sirius let out a breath he realised he had been holding since the night before, a tiny puff of air he instantly regretted.

'However, Mr. Black, it should be made aware to you that Hogwarts does not permit students to use magic on one another, nor do we look kindly at all on Dark magic.'

Sirius frowned, but did not interrupt her again.

'You are not the first Black child I have taught, nor will you be the last, I hope. I will not insult your intelligence by listing the ways in which your family is different to others. But what I will say Black,' she paused to hold his gaze, 'Is that this is your one and only warning. Any further assaults on other students at this school will be treated as such. Have I made myself clear?'

_Not in the slightest_ , 'Yes Professor, of course.'

She took a deep breath, 'Good. You will have a detention next week, for your actions. I will see you shortly for Transfiguration.'

A wave of her wand opened the door and a very bemused Sirius slipped out.

In the corridor he found James, Remus and Peter.

Peter was balancing a large stack of roast beef sandwiches, and James was bouncing slightly again, on the balls of his feet. They looked nervous.

Remus held out a clay mug, 'I rescued your tea.'

'And I brought you some more lunch.'

Sirius felt a smile again, 'Mmm, great thanks. I'm starving.'

The tea was good, the sandwiches felt like lead dropping into his stomach, but Peter's little moon of a face was staring up at him and it was eat them or hit him. When the tea was gone Remus carefully put the mug in his satchel and they all turned to look at Sirius.

'So,' James began, 'What happened?'

Sirius shrugged, 'Nothing, I'll have a detention next week.'

'What was that spell Sirius?' Remus' golden eyes were locked on his face.

'A spell my father – that I have seen my father use before.' He wasn't stupid, he hadn't needed McGonagol to tell him his parents were different. He had met _people_ before.

James puffed out his cheeks, 'Merlin's beard though mate, Mulciber is a git, but you didn't need to hex him.'

Sirius shrugged, he didn't want to talk on it.

'We just heard,' Peter piped up, 'We have Transfiguration with the Slytherins.'

'Urgh,' Sirius made a sound of disgust, 'Fine, well at least we have the first hex out of the way.' He grinned at the others, 'Come on, it won't be as boring as History at least.'

The four boys sat at the back of the room, as far as possible from the Slytherin First Years, who seemed to gather at the front. Sirius ignored the stares, and whispers, that seemed to spread through the whole class throughout McGonagol's lecture on the five principles of Transfiguration. Remus' notes were just as complete as they had been in History, he noticed, yet it was only him and James who managed to transfigure their matches. At the end of the class McGonagol awarded them both five points to Gryffindor, and showed everyone how James' match was now sharp and silver and would be of excellent use for sewing up the hole in the sleeve of his new robes. James pled ignorance on its appearance, but Sirius knew he had caught it on a nail slipping through one of the passages they had found that morning.

Sirius played along all through their afternoon in the common room, chatted with James about Quidditch, _I will be on the team, I practice all the time at home!_ He matched Remus slice for slice of chocolate cake after dinner. Mostly, he waited.

When the others had all gone through the bathroom, and Frank had pulled his curtains Sirius finally gathered his things and went to shower.

The bathroom door didn't lock, as it was shared and he glared at it angrily, as though the doorknob itself was at fault. But there was nothing to do about it. He hung his towel on a hook and folded his clothes neatly on the bench. His eyes skimmed across his reflection in the mirror, his gaze snagging on the neat black marks across his thigh and hip. It was a relief to draw the shower curtain, and for the first time in months, Sirius leant against the tiles, leant his head back and took a deep breath.

The water was hot, almost too hot. But that was fine. The tiles were cold against his bare skin, his breath hitched in his throat and he didn't fight it. He stopped being Sirius Black, just for a moment, just for a heartbeat he could be Sirius, be himself.

Then the three slices of cake made their presence known, and the kidney pudding, and the sandwiches from lunch.

He made it to the toilet before he threw everything up.


	7. Chapter 7

The others had given up on Sirius. James had declared he had never known anyone to shower for this long, and Peter had been yawning widely. Slowly, curtains had been drawn, lights had gone out. James had fallen asleep under a broomstick magazine.

Remus was reading by wand light, sitting up in bed, with the curtains almost entirely drawn so as not to disturb the others. The dormitory door clicked open, and Remus held still, the wolf adding extra depth to his hearing. Sirius padded across the floor on bare feet, there was the soft thud of his robes being dropped into the trunk at the end of his bed. The window latch grated minutely as Sirius opened the window, and Remus slid out of bed.

Sirius was standing on the window ledge, one hand grasping the frame, but his head and shoulders were fully out of the window, the other hand pressed against the stone recess outside.

Remus froze, not knowing how to alert Sirius to his presence without sending the other boy crashing to the ground far below.

Then Sirius glanced back in, grinning over his shoulder, 'Are you coming then Rem?'

With this, he stepped fully out on to the outside ledge of stone and around the edge of the wall.

Remus launched himself across the room and threw his top half out the window, craning around the wall to see…

To see Sirius grinning, shoulders shaking slightly with the effort of suppressing his laughter.

Outside their window, about three feet below, was a walkway or balcony of sorts with a parapet. Sirius was leaning against the parapet, and raised an eyebrow at him, 'So, are you?'

Remus managed to supress his smile to just the corner of his mouth and ducked through the window, sitting on the sill to drop to the balcony below.

'You scared me half to death.' He rounded on Sirius.

Sirius shrugged and turned to face out across the grounds, leaning his elbows on the parapet, 'I did not.'

Remus frowned, 'You did, I thought…' He trailed off as Sirius looked over his shoulder at him, silver eyes like blades.

'You thought what? That I would hurt myself? What possible cause have I given you to think that?'

His tone made Remus want to shrink back, it was as though it wasn't even Sirius talking. Even when he had attacked Mulciber it had still sounded like Sirius, this sounded like an older man. The wolf growled in Remus' chest and he stood his ground.

'Yes. I did think that.' He took a step forward, and another, until he was standing shoulder to shoulder with Sirius, and cast his eyes out over the lake, and the three-quarter full moon reflected there. 'I don't know why. I'm sorry if I offended you.'

There was a moment, Remus could hear the staccato beat of Sirius' heart, as well as his own. Then Sirius tossed his head and grinned, 'You didn't. I'm fine though,' He pushed a hand through his hair, 'I guess you could say I'm a bit impulsive. Didn't mean to worry you.'

The chill that had surrounded Sirius melted away, through sheer force of will Remus thought.

He tried a different tack, 'You don't sleep well?' He hadn't meant it as a question, he knew Sirius hadn't slept most of the night before.

Sirius smiled round at him again, 'No. You either. Do you sleep better at home?'

Remus frowned, 'It depends. Sometimes it's alright. Do you?'

Sirius shook his head, swallowing down words like a bad taste, 'No. Not since I was small.'

It wasn't quite so cold this time, whatever it was that came over Sirius, but a strange kind of flatness.

Remus took a breath, 'What was that all about, with Mulciber, and the letter?'

'Ha.' A half-hearted snort of derision escaped Sirius, and he rubbed his face, 'I haven't read the letter.' He pulled it out of his pyjama pocket and sighed. 'I suppose you should find out sooner rather than later.'

He turned the green envelope over and over in his hands, 'My family have… very strong opinions about blood status, and family, and well, all the kind of things that normally would find the heir of the family in Slytherin.'

Remus nodded, to show he was listening. He wondered if Sirius had ever said this aloud before.

'I don't give a _shit_ about any of that.' Sirius' temper flared again, 'Why would it matter if someone is a mud –' He hissed, angry with himself now, '– muggleborn? Or halfblood? Everyone is practically, unless you marry someone from the other side of the planet, or you own first cousin.' He shook his head, 'So. The letter.' He sighed again, and stopped turning it, 'It's from one of my parents, and it will be to _express their disappointment_ in my behaviour by being sorted into Gryffindor.' The older man's voice shone through Sirius' again, and Remus realised it must be an imitation of his father.

Remus wasn't stupid. He looked down at Sirius' hand and the three livid cuts from the owl's talons. Disappointment probably wouldn't begin to cover the contents of the letter.

'You should read it.'

Sirius turned fully to stare at him, 'You must be joking?'

He shook his head, 'No. Read it then get rid of it. Then you know, and it's done with.'

Sirius watched him for a moment, then turned and slid down the parapet to sit on the cold stone floor. He took a breath and opened the letter.

Remus watched the clouds drift across the sky, and their reflection in the lake below. It was calm and still and mirror like. The moon hung silently above, his judge and jury. He didn't speak as Sirius read. He didn't move as Sirius' breathing changed, stopped, and started again. He didn't blink at the tiny gasp of pain.

Remus stayed still as Sirius stood again and pulled his wand from his pocket. The runes along it's length glowed rosy gold, and Sirius muttered ' _incendio_ '. The letter spluttered with flame, and Sirius dropped it over the edge. They both watched it fall, burning out before it could it the ground and the slight breeze took the ashes away.

Then he turned to see Sirius staring at the palm of his left hand, his wand hand. Thick greenish boils were erupting across the skin, pulling the flesh taught.

'What in Merlin's name is that?'

Sirius smirked, 'A hex. A gift from my mother.'

'Sirius that's awful.'

Sirius shrugged, 'It stings, but that's all.'

'You should see the nurse.'

Sirius scoffed, pulling a neat pen knife from his other pocket. Remus realised what he was about to do the split second before Sirius flicked the blade open and drove the tip into the largest boil. He lunged forward, reaching to take the knife but in his chest the wolf snarled, and almost against his will his hand shot back. The knife was silver.

Green gunk oozed from the little hole he had made, and Remus watched, half horrified as he cut open each boil in turn. Wordlessly, Remus passed him his hankie, it was one of his fathers, a little frayed, but clean. Sirius eyed the initials, L.L., but said nothing and mopped up his hand.

'Thanks, I'll get it clean and give it back.'

'Will your hand be alright?'

Sirius nodded, 'Once the –' He nodded to the green marks on the fabric around his hand, '– that is out, it heals up quickly.'

He wanted to ask how Sirius knew, but the words stuck in his throat. What kind of parent would hex a letter they sent to their eleven-year-old?

He changed the subject, 'So, do you know which one you are?' He nodded to the stars above.

Sirius smiled, a strange smile that wasn't as warm as it should have been but wasn't cold either, 'I do. But you can't see him.' His eyes grazed the sky, 'Do you see Cassiopeia there?'

Remus nodded, 'I know some of them.'

'Well, below her is Perseus.' Sirius moved half behind Remus, reaching his left arm around him to point the lines of the constellation. 'And below him – '

Remus grinned, 'Taurus and the Pleiades.'

'Very good.' Sirius was solid and warm behind him. Normally Remus hated being so close to people, especially trapped as he was between Sirius and the parapet, but this felt… fine. There was another feeling, but Remus refused to assign it to someone he had only met yesterday. 'And then the forest, and the world get in the way. But below that is Orion,' Sirius snorted his laugh again, 'My father. Anyway, below him is Canis Major, and…'

'And you?'

'Yes, and me. Right now, it's rising at about six in the morning.'

Remus turned slightly to look at him, 'How do you know all that?'

'Because everyone in my family pretty much is named after one of the bloody things, astronomy is crammed into our skulls from a young age. Did you know you are up there too?'

Remus frowned, 'There aren't any stars called Remus.'

Sirius grinned, a warm puppy grin, pleased to show off something, 'Oh no, you are far more important that just one star.'

He turned Remus slightly and pointed to a spot just left of Taurus, 'That's you.'

Remus thought about this, 'Isn't that Gemini?'

'Nice! You know your stuff.'

'Gemini is the twins, Castor and Pollux, right? From Greek myth.'

Sirius pulled a face, 'My grandfather is called Pollux. But sort of, yes. Except the Romans didn't think they were Castor and Pollux. The Romans called Gemini after the founders of Rome. Romulus and – '

'Remus.' Remus breathed the word.

'Yeah. They were brilliant, they were raised by a wolf.' Sirius was grinning, 'Don't you think that's… groovy?' He laughed as he tried out the muggle word.

Remus wanted to join in, but he couldn't, it was too close. He must have paused just too long because a frown was pulling at the skin between Sirius' brows. He pulled a watery smile on to his face, 'I don't really like dogs. I…' Inspiration struck, 'I was bitten by one when I was small.'

Sirius' face softened immediately, 'That's rubbish. I'm sorry.' He grinned, 'So, do you know about the Romans and Pleiades?'

Sirius stood, not quite touching him and pointed to each of the stars he knew. They talked about the stories behind them.

Remus couldn't remember the last time he had felt this calm. It was like the wolf had curled up inside his chest, rather than pacing against the bars of his ribs. Unheard of this close to the moon.

Sirius gave him a leg up back through the window as the sky became a gold tinged turquoise in the east. Wordlessly, they got into their own beds and pulled the curtains. Remus put his head down on the pillow, and felt his eyes drift closed, still at ease.


	8. Chapter 8

Remus was nervous. He had never transformed anywhere but at home before. The shack was warm and furnished with a bed much like the one in his dormitory back in the castle. The room next to it had a shower, and a special cupboard for his clothes that was magically reinforced so the wolf could not destroy them.

Remus sat on the bed, in his pants because frankly being naked in this place felt strange. He took the thick blanket off the sheets and wrapped it around his shoulders.

Today would be unpleasant enough, the moon was rising an hour before sundown and it made him twitchy. The wolf would take its time appearing, and the pains began once the moon was up, sun or no sun. The transformation wouldn’t occur until dusk though.

Remus hummed as he waited, to distract him from the aching fire inside his joints, the song coming out in little bits and pieces, ‘… _don’t make it bad…hmmm hmm hm hmm, go out and get her…_ ’ His mum loved the Beatles. Remus smiled thinking about her pulling his dad away from the pile of paperwork on the table to dance around the lounge, ‘ _… Judy Judy Judy Judy!’_

James liked the Beatles too, he had brought Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band for his portable record player, though Remus preferred the White Album. He grinned again, thinking of Sirius’ confused face when the rest of them, even Frank had sung along boogying around the dorm room.

The grin stopped as lightning shot through his chest. It was finally starting.

The wolf howled as it fought its way free of Remus, tearing at his limbs and chewing his feet in his hurry to make the pain stop. To be rid of the boy shape that imprisoned it. To explore this new space.

* * *

‘Do you reckon he is alright?’

James looked up and frowned, ‘Siri-mate, that is the third time you have said that in twenty minutes.’

‘I know. He just looked so shit.’

Peter giggled reflexively at Sirius’ swearing, earning him an eye roll.

‘Yeah, I agree. But let’s be honest, he’s not looked good all week. He said it happens, he’s just a sickly kid.’ James shrugged and turned back to his parchment, ‘Come and help me finish this History essay and then we can plan how we are going to get Mulciber for being a prat.’ He grinned up at Sirius, ‘That’ll take your mind off Remus until he gets back.’

When the homework was done, they were up to the dorm and James pulled a large lockbox out of his trunk. Sirius eyed it appraisingly. It was cedar wood, dark with polish and set with flush brass hinges and lock. He could feel the light hum of magic layered into the wood and arched an eyebrow at James.

James grinned, ‘It was my dad’s. He kept his secret stash in it when he was at Hogwarts, and now it’s mine.’

He tapped the lock with his wand and the lid leapt open. The box was much bigger on the inside, and it was rammed full of the most interesting things.

James pulled a blank sheet of parchment from the clips that held it inside the lid, ‘Here, Pete, pass me a quill.’

Peter hurried to do so and crouched on James’ bed above them to lean over and watch.

‘Right, so, let’s make an inventory of what we have. The box will keep track of what we use, and what we have left.’

Sirius grinned, ‘That’s brilliant.’

James nodded, ‘Start calling things out, I’ll write.’

Sirius glanced at the box again. Uncle Alphard would occasionally buy him, or Regulus, the odd treat from Zonko’s or Gambol & Japes, but Walburga disliked them. He didn’t know what half the things in the box were.

‘No, your chicken scratch is atrocious Jimmy.’ Sirius grinned at him, ‘I’ll write, you call.’

James handed over the parchment and quill unquestioningly, watching as Sirius wrote a title in his elegant script.

_ SUPPLIES FOR MISCHIEF MAKING _

_25 x Dungbombs_

_150 x Stink Pellets_

_300 x Luminous Balloons – Non-Explodable_

_50 x Dr Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks_

_6 x (complete tea set) Nose Biting Teacups_

_20 x Hiccough Sweets_

_10 x Sachets Belch Powder_

_5 x Frogs Spawn Soap, Bars_

Sirius had just finished writing the word _“powder_ ” when Frank said from the doorway, ‘What are you lot up to?’

Peter squeaked in surprise, and Sirius couldn’t help the chill that froze him to the spot, his muscles tensing.

James however, grinned over his shoulder, ‘Alright Frank? We are taking stock. Going to deal with that Mulciber git.’

The firm line of Frank’s lips cracked into a grin, ‘Too right, nasty little toad he is.’ He came and sat on the bed next to Peter, ‘So, how’s it looking?’

Sirius consulted the list, feeling the tension slowly eek its way out of his shoulders, ‘Not too shabby. The question is, what and how?’

‘Well,’ James said slowly, thinking, ‘It depends on how we want to do this.’

Peter piped up, ‘If we just go after him though, he’ll know it was us. And he’ll retaliate.’

‘Let him try.’ Sirius grinned.

James shook his head though, ‘I’m sure he will anyway, but Pete’s right. We shouldn’t make it too obvious.’

‘Well, I’m game to get more than just that sod.’ Frank agreed earnestly, ‘That bloody Snape kid tried to jinx me yesterday.’

Sirius frowned, ‘Why?’

Frank waved his hand dismissively, ‘Him and Avery. Something about disgracing a good family name,’ He caught Sirius gaze with a level look, ‘You know the sort of rubbish, being around the wrong sort of people.’

Sirius threw back his head with a bark of laughter, ‘I would _love_ to see them say that to your mother’s face.’

‘Please.’ Frank rolled his eyes, ‘Who even is Mulciber?’

‘Not one of us, that I know.’

Peter frowned, ‘What do you mean?’

James was watching them carefully, this was the first warm conversation Sirius had had with Frank. But honestly it was a relief to relax slightly. Augusta Greengrass’ son knew better than anyone else in his dorm how it was. He looked at Pete, ‘Not one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.’

Peter still looked confused so Frank sighed, ‘Some weirdo in the 30’s decided that not all Pure Bloods are as pure as they should be, so he made a list of the so called ‘Sacred Twenty-Eight’ families that had survived. My family and Sirius’ are both on there.’

‘ _Toujours Pur_.’ Sirius spat, he liked French as a language, but those words left a foul taste in his mouth.

‘Just so.’ Frank said, his face twisting in disgust too, ‘And Mulciber ain’t one.’

James grinned, ‘Me either. We Potters don’t count enough either.’

Sirius cackled, ‘Well, there you have it Frank-mate, we are definitely around the exact right kind of people. Pete here is even a Half-Blood.’

Peter looked nervous until Frank bumped him with his shoulder, ‘Thank Merlin. I was worried we’d be stuck with our own kind. Then I’d have to think about what fork to use.’

This immediately had James and Sirius in gales of laughter, and after a moment Peter joined in too.

As he wiped away the tears Sirius sat up and went very still, like a dog after a squirrel, ‘I’ve got it.’

The other boys all turn to look at him, ‘We get them all. Every last Slytherin.’

They all leant in as Sirius explained his plan.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.: I'm sorry! I didn't mean to neglect this fic, Under Pressure has been taking up a lot of my time right now, but I'm back. Let's find out how Remus got on.

Remus woke in the Hospital Wing. Everything was soft and glowing with the afternoon sun streaming in the windows and his mouth was gritty and tasted of blood. He hated the way books described the taste of blood as iron, or copper, or pennies. It didn't taste like that to him, not cold and so tangy. At least it was always his own blood, that way he knew it had been safe, and the pounding of his heart stilled.

He felt his shoulders sag against the pillow and began to take stock. The bandages around his ribs and left calf felt stiffer than usual, the fabric rougher too. But then Madam Pomfrey would have done it, with magic probably. Mami handled all but the worst of it at home, and Dadi the rest. Not that much could be done, Dark wounds took their sweet time, even with the way he healed.

Healing. A frown pulled at Remus' brow, wondering how well Sirius' hands were healing. He had seen the nonchalant way he had ignored the pain and recognised it in himself too.

Remus pushed himself up the pillows a bit and had a look around.

Madam Pomfrey had pulled the screens around his bed, but there was a small gap looking towards her office, and in the distance, he could see her door open and the desk beyond. But her chair on the other side was empty.

He was just reaching for the glass of water on the bedside table when he noticed his hand and arm was completely unblemished and grinned victoriously. The wolf must have been pleased with the shack, recently at home it had taken to chewing its paws in the night. He was still grinning when Madam Pomfrey appeared around his curtains. She was not smiling.

'Mr. Lupin, how are you feeling?'

She bustled over, wand appearing to start her checks.

'Great, thank you.'

'Hmph, well I don't believe that for a moment. Your leg was awfully bad.'

Remus tested this by attempting to flex his foot, it went about halfway, and he shrugged, 'It seems alright.'

She glared at him.

'Honestly.' He tried to smile reassuringly, 'One of my easiest moons in years, thanks.' Why did the adults around him always need so much taking care of? He really did not know.

'Well, if you are so certain?' She did seem a little mollified, and he nodded. 'Fine. You have visitors waiting…'

Remus was surprised, 'Who?'

'The other boys from your dormitory. I can send them away.'

'No.' He surprised himself with the suddenness of his response, 'No, I'd like to see them.'

She tutted, 'Fine. But only for a quarter of an hour. I want you to rest before dinner, but if you continue at this rate, I suppose you can return to Gryffindor tonight.'

She pushed back the screen and waved down the long ward to the doorway.

James and Sirius loped up the waxed floor, beaming at being let in. Remus shuffled himself further up the bed as James launched himself across the foot of it. Sirius lounged in the visitors' chair while Madam Pomfrey glared at them.

'I mean it, fifteen minutes and then Mr. Lupin must have rest.'

'Yes, Madam Pomfrey.' Remus said politely, as James Pulled a face out of her sight.

Once she had gone, he pulled himself up to sitting, 'How are you Remus?'

'Oh, fine now _diolch_.'

'Dee-what?'

Remus groaned, 'Oh sorry, it's –'

'Welsh. You said thank you, yes?' Sirius' voice was calm and quiet.

'You speak Welsh?' James was incredulous.

'Ha! No,' He tossed his head, black mane falling gracefully around his shoulders, 'my father has a smattering. Though you needn't sound so surprised, I speak at least six languages.'

James laughed at him and turned back to Remus, 'So, what was up?'

This lie was prepared in advance, as so many before had been, 'It's hereditary.' He shrugged, keeping his tone as neutral as possible, 'I got it from my mother, we both get these patches of sickness.'

'Can't St. Mungo's do something?'

Remus shook his head at James' confusion, 'My mother is a Muggle, it's a Muggle disease.'

'Is it serious?'

'You're Sirius.' James muttered and Remus couldn't help grinning. Sirius' mouth twitched as he tried not to smirk too.

'Is it though?' James fixed Remus with a strange look, like he was out of his depth for the first time.

Remus sighed, 'Yes, and no. It can be very unpleasant, but I'm not dying or anything.'

Sirius' silver eyes locked on to his, Sirius nodded once, 'Good. In which case we brought you chocolate.' He tossed a pack of five chocolate frogs on to the bed, next to Remus.

'That's very kind of you.' Remus blushed.

'Nonsense.' Sirius sounded formal, but none of the coldness that had filled his voice in the week before was there, 'You've only had chocolate-based puddings since we arrived.'

It only made Remus blush more, and James cackled, 'That was Sirius. After you two ate four slices each the other day, he reckoned you must be addicted.'

Remus smiled, 'That's what my mum says. How were our classes today?'

'Urgh, that's not interesting.' James rolled on to his back in his desperation.

'We are at a literal magic school, Potter. In what way is that not interesting?'

Sirius barked a laugh, 'He's got you there Jim. Though, in Jim's defence, it was History of Magic today.' He bent to his satchel under the chair and produced a sheaf of parchment filled with his flowing calligraphy, 'I took notes, for which I am owed a medal.'

'One of two, if we pull this off.' James said excitedly.

'Pull what off?'

* * *

For dinner that night, the options were chicken and leak pie, pork chops, and some kind of suet pudding that Lily decided was best avoided. The food thus far had been excellent though and she accepted the larger portion of pie passed her way by Marlene, 'Pumpkin juice, Lily?'

'Oh, yes please Marlene.'

She still had to listen carefully to Marlene, having never met a Scottish person before coming to Hogwarts, even though Marlene was very softly spoken. Especially for a Glaswegian. She told Lily that her parents had moved down from the Isle of Skye – _An t-Eilean Sgitheanach_ Marlene had called it – not long before she was born, and still spoke Gaelic at home.

Between mouthfuls of her dinner, Lily glanced across the Hall to the Slytherin table. She'd missed Sev at lunch, wanting to get a head start on her charms essay on levitation spells, and now he was avoiding catching her eye.

'You've not had problems with them too Lily?' Alice asked, shooting a glare across the room.

'What? No! I'm looking for Sev, I didn't see him earlier.'

'Urgh,' Alice shuddered, 'He's friends with that ghastly boy Mulciber, isn't he?'

Lily frowned, 'I'm not certain. Why is he ghast – '

She was interrupted by the most almighty belch, it seemed to echo through the space, undercutting the babble of conversation from every table. Peels of laughter rippled across the Hall, as heads swivelled, hunting for the culprit. The teachers looked very unimpressed.

A second, almost as loud burp ripped across the room, and given the blushes, they had both come from Slytherin table. The girl in question had neat curls of ice white hair piled up on her head and the blush was very pretty. Or would have been if she hadn't let rip again. Within moments almost every student at the Slytherin table was burping and belching uncontrollably.

The rest of the hall was in stitches. Further down the table Lily saw James Potter and Peter Pettigrew leaning on each other to avoid falling off the bench. The Black boy, Sirius, had slumped on the table and was pounding it with his fist. Even Remus was grinning, and Lily hadn't thought him cruel.

Professor Slughorn waddled down from his seat at the high table and began dispatching his house to the Hospital Wing. He picked up and inspected a jug of pumpkin juice, 'Belching powder. A bit of fun is all.' He declared.

Lily pushed her goblet away and suppressed a chuckle as Alice and Marlene did the same.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update this week! Just a little insight and a speed up.

What had been brilliant about the belching powder prank, James reflected, was that no one knew it had been them. Unfortunately, that was also the major problem with it. It had been wonderful, truly hilarious, seeing the Slytherins run from the Hall burping like… well he couldn't think of a burping thing, but anyway. The problem was it was anonymous.

It also hadn't done anything to change the Slytherins' behaviour towards their targets among the Gryffindor first years. Avery, Mulciber and Bulstrode picked on the Muggleborn girls almost constantly, through around Snape they laid off Lily. It made James' blood boil when he heard Avery call her a Mudblood in the corridor, and he had got a detention for the Bat Bogey Hex he sent after him. It made him angrier than when they hissed blood traitor at him, and since that first week even Sirius took _that_ in his stride. Though on Frank's insistence, Sirius taught them all some of the more interesting counter-jinxes he knew, though he wouldn't say from where, except to show them the book his uncle bought him.

He did acknowledge Remus was right too, Hogwarts was fascinating. Not History of Magic, and Herbology was not his thing either really. But Transfiguration was wicked, and the castle was utterly brilliant too. Though nothing he or Sirius tried would convince Remus to get up early with them to explore in the mornings. Sirius said Remus didn't sleep well, and James believed him. Sirius didn't sleep well either, sitting up and whispering to him about brooms and quidditch and pranks until James fell asleep. He didn't mind. He had always wanted a brother to sit up into the wee small hours with, and Sirius definitely fit the bill.

James sat back on his heels from scrubbing the filthy cauldron in front of him, behind him he could hear the swish-swish of Sirius' scrubbing his own cauldron and risked a glance of his shoulder to flash him a grin.

Sirius returned it and rolled his eyes at the boredom of scrubbing. There was nothing for it, James thought, they couldn't keep having these minor detentions for corridor altercations. They needed something big, like the belch powder, but maybe not so anonymous this time. As he started scrubbing again, he wondered if Remus could be convinced to join in this time. He seemed to disapprove of the duelling, but he had laughed at the Slytherins' misfortune in the Hall. He was definitely really clever too, like him and Sirius. He raised the idea with Sirius when Slughorn dismissed them and they started back through the dungeons.

Sirius clicked his tongue, thinking, 'Mmm, he wasn't well again a couple of weeks ago.'

'Worried he won't be up to it?'

Sirius shook his head, 'No, it isn't that. He seems fine now. I was wondering if that's why he's so focused on studying though. In case he gets sick again and has to miss things.' He looked down at James, 'So what are you thinking?'

'Well, there's the Halloween feast coming…' James waggled his eyebrows suggestively at his best friend.

'Oh-ho, that is a thought.'

'Who knew you were capable of thoughts, little cousin.' The girl's voice from behind them was mocking and cold, and Sirius froze mid step next to James. They could see the stairs up to the entrance hall, just a few feet ahead, so close to escape.

James turned to face the strange girl, much taller than him and with a shiny Slytherin prefect badge pinned to her robes, 'What a ridiculous thing to say, I would have assumed a prefect had more common sense.'

'There's no such thing in my family.' Sirius said archly, as he turned, 'Isn't that so, cuz?'

'So says the first Gryffindor Black in history.'

James watched this exchanged carefully, wondering if he needed his wand, when the prefect broke into a grin and strode towards them. She pulled Sirius into a tight hug, and to James' utter shock, he hugged her back.

'Hey Siri.' She said quietly into his hair and James suddenly found the toe of his shoes remarkably interesting indeed.

'Hullo Meda.'

'Comment ça va?'

'I'm fine, and James is a friend, there's no need from French.' Sirius stepped backwards out of her arms, 'Andromeda Black, may I introduce James Potter. James, my only decent cousin, Andromeda.' He flourished a little bow of presentation.

James, swept up in Sirius' overly formal manners, snatched Andromeda's hand and bowed over it, 'An absolute pleasure Mistress Black.'

She laughed and snatched it back, smacking him lightly around the head, 'Yes, I know all about Mr. Potter.'

The family resemblance was obvious, they had the same high cheek bones, though Andromeda's hair was dark brown and curled more than waved in a long cascade down her back.

Sirius eyed her up carefully, like he was assessing something, 'How are you?'

She nodded, 'Yes, fine. Things are in hand.'

'You found a solution?'

'Of course, my parents can be called many things, but bright is not one of them.' She glanced down at her watch, 'It is nearly curfew, you two need to get along before I'm forced to deduct house points.'

A wicked grin flickered across her face and she gave Sirius' shoulder a quick squeeze before pushing him in the direction of the stairs, 'Run along first years.'

James waited until they had ducked into one of their shortcuts on the third floor to ask, 'A solution to what?'

Sirius puffed out a breath, and James tensed slightly, waiting for the explosion, or Sirius' descent into frozen formality. He was not expecting the casual, if exhausted tone he got.

'Oh, it's utter bollocks.' Sirius pushed his hand through his hair, 'Meda is betrothed to this pillock, one of the Rowles.'

'Betrothed?' James frowned, 'You mean engaged?'

'No. I don't. I mean it was arranged by my uncle Cygnus and Rowle's father, with the permission and supervision of my parents.'

'What?' James fully stopped now and faced Sirius in the passageway, 'You Blacks have arranged marriages? And what do your parents have to do with it?'

Sirius sighed and leant against the wall, 'My parents, well, my father is the patriarch. Sort of. Both my grandfathers are still alive, but once I was born father and mother became head of the family. So, everything to do with me, my brother or our cousins is ultimately decided by them. Including our marriages.'

He pushed away from the wall and started walking, even slouching with his hands in his pockets he looked more elegant than James would ever manage.

Sirius continued as they slipped out from behind a painting on the six floor and started up the next staircase towards Gryffindor tower, 'Meda is working on breaking the betrothal, because there is someone else.' He spoke quietly, even though there was no one around, 'And because _Thorfinn Rowle_ ,' Sirius rolled his eyes at the name, 'is a mindless brute.'

They rounded the corner and found Peter jittering about in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.

'Evening Pete.' James called out, and Peter jumped about a foot in the air.

'Oh, it's you! Thank Merlin. I've been out here for an hour, but no one came in or out.'

'Forget the password again?'

'Um, yes.'

Sirius made a frustrated noise, 'I'm not sure we should tell him.'

James glared at him, 'That's unkind, come on Pete, it's _balneum mariae_.'

'Thanks Jamie, I can never remember these foreign words.'

James trod on Sirius' foot before he could snap anything else and gave Pete a leg up into the hole to the common room. Sirius never had any patience or sympathy.

Inside the common room, Remus had taken over a table in the far corner by the window. James saw all four of their school bags, plain parchment and ink and quills laid out. The three boys wandered over out of sheer curiosity and Remus glanced up from his own essay.

'I thought if we did our Transfiguration together it would go much quicker.'

'You started without us?' Sirius arched an eyebrow as he sat on Remus' right.

'No, this is my make up work for Charms.' He squinted down at it, 'Which I can't look at anymore. Bloody thing.'

Sirius pulled the roll of parchment out from under Remus, 'You and James get Peter started on Transfiguration. I'll look over this for you.'

James grinned, 'Right. The sooner we are all done, the sooner we can work on our plan for the Halloween prank.'


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SOOO sorry! I didn't mean to leave this so long. I've been to hospital twice, dislocated bpth my hips, lost my job, been signed off work permanently and basically everything has gone to hell in a handbasket.
> 
> Anyway, I am back. I'm updating here with this (the Halloween chapter will follow on actual Halloween since that now lines up so nicely), and hopefully Under Pressure will get a new chapter tomorrow/before the weekend. Take care everyone, enjoy spoopy week!

Sirius sat with his back to Gryffindor Tower, watching the clouds race across the night sky, eclipsing the waxing moon.

James had fallen asleep at least half an hour ago, and Sirius couldn't face the idea of it himself. So, he had stepped out of the window into the little catwalk-balcony that had become something of a private thing between him and Remus.

If Remus looked out of his bed, and saw the window ajar, he knew Sirius was there. More often than not, that meant he joined Sirius. Except for when he had been ill. He had been in the hospital wing for three nights this time. Sirius shook his head at the stars. Apart from Regulus creeping into his room, he had been alone every night of his life. Why has Remus' absence affected him so? It didn't make sense. He refused to look over his shoulder as he heard the lead-lined window slide further open, or the dragging sound of Remus pulling their thick winter cloaks after him, even though the warm flood of relief in his chest swept over him.

'Oh bugger _._ ' Remus' whisper was almost silent as he got caught up on the cloaks and tripped headfirst out of the window.

Sirius didn't stop to think, his wand was neatly tucked away in his pyjama pocket, but he did not reach for it. He flung a handout, breathing the incantation, ' _Impedimenta- '._

Remus' tumble was halted, his eyes wide with surprise as he froze in mid-air.

Sirius stood, leisurely, and reached out to help his friend down. Waiting until his hands were pressed to Remus' shoulders before releasing the magic that held him in place. He smirked up at Remus' surprised face.

'You should be more careful.'

Remus stepped gingerly down and pushed Sirius' cloak into his arms, breaking the contact between them. It made Sirius' chest hurt with a physical pang and he wondered, apart from Andromeda, who had he actually touched since arriving at Hogwarts?

Remus pulled his own cloak around his shoulders, 'We can't all be… graceful hinds gliding around the place.'

That made him laugh, 'Ha! If anyone around here is a deer it is James, but a stag I would think. With those proud antlers.'

He splayed his hands above his head and tried to look pompous. Remus snorted and nudged him with his shoulder.

'Put your cloak on, it's freezing.'

Sirius complied and folded back into his seat. Remus settled in next to him, their breath fogging the air in front of them.

'That was quite the thing, Sirius.'

Sirius arched an eyebrow at him.

'Well, that's not a First-Year spell is it?'

Sirius fixed his gaze on the tree line again, not liking where Remus was going with this.

'And to do it wandless…'

'Not wandless.' Sirius shook his head, 'It's here in my pocket.'

'You know precisely what I meant.' Remus shook his head with a little smile, 'You can just say you don't want to talk about it.'

'Mmm.' Sirius made a noncommittal sound. No, he did not want to talk about it, but he also did not want to offend Remus. These nights under the stars were precious to him. 'I've always had the knack for it. My father is an expert.'

Remus said nothing for a long moment, there had been two more letters, and he had been there with Sirius when he had opened both.

'What about your mother?'

Sirius smirked, a frozen, twisted thing, 'No. She has never mastered it, though her wordless magic can be as good as his.'

'Can you do that?' Remus turned to face him, unable or unwilling to disguise the curiosity in his face.

'Not exactly.' Recklessness flooded him and he pushed his left foot out from the enclosure of his cloak. Tugging down the sock, he turned so Remus could see the tattoo there, just on the inside of his ankle.

'What is that?' Remus said quietly.

'Ancient runes.' He smirked now, enjoying the thrill of being better, cleverer, more skilled than others, 'These ones are Carpathian.'

A tiny frown creased between Remus' eyebrows, 'What do they say?'

'It's magic.' He grinned, 'To make me quieter when I move.'

Remus turned serious now, the frown deepened, and he turned his gaze to meet Sirius', 'That isn't safe, Sirius. How could you do this to- '

Sirius cut him off, pleasure at sharing his secret magic plunging in to cold, embarrassed fury, 'Oh calm down Remus.'

He stood. Stalking to the stone balustrade and glaring up at the Milky Way, as though it was what had offended him.

He hadn't noticed Remus had moved, until his quiet voice calm from right behind him, 'Sorry, it's just a bit startling to see an eleven-year-old with tattoos. You got others, haven't you?'

Sirius snorted, 'Been spying on me Lupin?'

'No.' Remus still sounded weirdly calm, this kind of attitude at home would have started a riot, 'I thought I saw one on your hip, the first night when you…' He trailed off, but Sirius remembered only too well. When he had warned Frank, when his very blood was singing to hex and jinx and curse the poor boy, just because Frank thought he would.

'I'm nearly twelve.'

Remus half smiled, he didn't look but Sirius could hear it when he said, 'I see. Well, obviously nearly twelve-year-olds should have all the tattoos they like.'

Sirius lowered his gaze to his friend, 'Clearly.' He smirked.

'How many do you have?'

'Six, altogether.'

Remus nodded, and said nothing for a long moment. Then, 'It's really impressive magic, to do that.'

Sirius didn't feel like boasting anymore, 'Not really, the runes do the heavy lifting. It's just intent that you have to put…' His silver eyes flew wide, 'Remus! That's it! I know what to do for our prank.'

Remus stared at him, 'Oh Merlin, what?'

Sirius just grinned, 'Come on, let's get James.'

* * *

Of course, with only – Remus checked his watch again – twelve and a half hours until everyone woke up on Halloween morning, he shouldn't really be surprised at the mania that had over-taken James and Sirius since last night. Well, earlier today actually.

No, what he was truly surprised about was that they had managed to spend the entire Saturday in the library. This, Remus normally would have quite enjoyed, until one of other of them became fidgety or argumentative, and they had to hurry out before the librarian threw them out. Today though, James and Sirius had both sat, attentive to their mountains of books in rapt attention.

Peter had, rather understandably, been confused and – rather less understandably – whiny. Remus thought Sirius might actually murder him in the stacks when Peter complained about the large, entirely Latin text on Transfiguration alphabets he was handed. But thankfully James had come to the rescue.

_'You can't expect everyone to read Latin Siri-mate!' He'd laughed._

_That made Sirius raise both his eyebrows, '"Siri-mate"?'_

_'Well, Andromeda calls you Siri, why shouldn't we?'_

_'Because it's what my family shorten my name to.' Sirius had looked slightly wrong-footed._

_'Exactly, and we're brothers now. Besides, it's that or Rus.'_

_Sirius shuddered, 'Fine. Now, the Latin?'_

_Remus intervened, swapping his albeit old fashioned English text for Peter's Latin one, 'I can do this one. But I will need a grammar.'_

_Sirius grinned then, bouncing back, 'Here, take mine.'_

Remus glanced down at the grammar now. Finely bound in leather, and hand-scribed, it was beautiful. Remus was almost entirely certain that Sirius had in fact, made the grammar himself. Probably a lesson from one of the tutors he and James laughed about.

Remus' Latin was entirely self-taught. Hope had borrowed books on it for him, from the local Muggle library. She and Lyall had taught him French and German together, along with everything else they could think of when they had all thought, he would never get proper schooling.

Peter made him jump, scuttling around the stacks suddenly, to their little hidden table in a far-flung corner of the library.

'Hi Pete.'

'Hey, I came to say I've brought dinner.'

Somewhere around lunch time, it was decided the work was too important for them all to leave the library. Especially because that would involve putting the books away, and then finding them all again. Peter, bored and confused by the sudden weekend studiousness, had offered to go and get them food. Remus had put his foot down, and so they had a packed lunch on the bench across the hallway from the library door. On the promise to the librarian that they would be back in ten minutes, please don't clear their books away.

'Ah. Alright. I'll be there in a minute. The other two went towards the charms section.'

They collected James and Sirius and headed out the door. The other two were beaming, and collapsed on the floor next to the bench, ripping open the cloth wrappings on the hot pies Peter had delivered.

'Ta Pete.' James grinned, 'Brilliant idea. Oooh, steak and kidney.'

Remus pointed towards a pie by James' left knee, 'Sirius, that one please.' He said firmly. Three days to the full moon and the wolf was hungry in his chest.

Sirius passed him the one he pointed too, Remus nose having detected the liver, mushroom and bacon even before it was unwrapped.

Peter pulled a large, sealed flask of pumpkin juice from his bag and four cups, before starting in on his own pie.

'Good work Pete.' Sirius gave the smaller boy a genuinely warm grin, 'These are great. I appoint thee Chief-Prank-Food-Master.'

Peter laughed, 'You're welcome Siri.'

Sirius rolled his eyes, and they consumed the food in silence for a while.

Peter pulled thick cut wedges of Victoria sponge from his bag for afters – with a slice of chocolate fudge cake for Remus – and finally Sirius and James exchanged a look.

'We've got the spell.' James almost whispered.

'You're sure?' It wasn't that Remus didn't trust them, both boys had been so focused all day. It was just a little further out of their magical knowledge than he was entirely comfortable with.

Sirius nodded, 'Absolutely. So now we just need the marks for limiting it to a time and place.'

It was Remus' turn to smile, 'Which I have fully calculated. Beginning and end.'

'You absolute genius.' Sirius gave him a wink, 'So, all we need to do now is – '

'Is double check, and test.' James finished.

'How can we test it?' Peter asked.

'That is, strangely, more annoying to work out.' Remus said lightly, 'Because we'd need it to be for a few minutes, or less.'

'Oh, but if we all do the correspondences together it'll only take an hour or so.' Sirius pushed.

'Absolutely not.' Remus shook his head, 'I've seen James and Peter's astronomy. You and I can do the timings, they can tidy up the mountains off books and notes.'

In the end, it only took Remus and Sirius an hour or so to work out the precise celestial co-ordinates of Gryffindor tower, First-Year boy's dorm, between nine o'clock and five past nine. Even though Sirius would be doing the actual rune work for the test, Remus wrote out the alchemical symbols for practice. Once you had been staring at them long enough you started to be able to sort of read them in your head. And Remus was used to how some of them looked anyway, from lunar charts.

By the time everything was put away and they had thanked the librarian for letting them boggart a table all day, it was half-past eight once they made it to the dormitory.

Sirius wanted to get started right away and suggested the dorm door as the target of their practice spell. Peter, thankfully, pointed out that Frank wasn't up yet, and if he walked through it, they would end up in a row.

It was James who innocently suggested the window.

'Isn't there a little ledge thing out there?'

Sirius didn't seem to notice, but Remus was almost certain there was a gleam in James' eye that spoke to jealousy. He knew about Sirius and Remus' little night-time trips.

'That's a good idea.' Sirius nodded, 'But we'll have to do it from outside. In case whoever goes through trips or something, we'll all be outside.'

'And Frank won't see.' Remus added sensibly.

They dragged their cloaks out of the window and, for the first time, Pete and James joined them outside. James sat on the balustrade, it made Remus' stomach churn just to look at him. Peter obviously felt the same, because he sat with his back up against the tower wall, looking anywhere but at James.

Sirius, his cloak discarded on the balcony floor, knelt on the window ledge. He had their sequence of marks and symbols and runes on a sheet of parchment next to him. He balanced a pot of ink in one hand, and had cut a quill to a wide, almost paintbrush nib with his penknife. He slowly, carefully inked the shapes onto the stonework of the castle.

James meanwhile was explaining to Peter why the spell they had chosen was so brilliant.

'– but doing everyone the same would have been boring. That's the beauty of this spell though. It's just whatever you would have picked for yourself.'

'With in reason.' Remus added quietly, watching the crease between Sirius' brows, 'And shh, Sirius has to concentrate.'

Peter frowned up at Sirius' feet, above his head, 'How come he knows how to do this?'

'Genius mate.' James grinned, leaning back to get a better look at the top of the tower and making Remus feel decidedly more sick.

Remus wondered then how much James knew. And how little he, Remus, actually knew. The Blacks were an old Wizarding family. Possibly the oldest, though he was fairly certain there was no way of working that out of certain. From Sirius' odd mentions, his little slips – how sometimes when he said Muggleborn there was a 'd' not a 'g' sound just before he corrected himself – Remus knew what kind of people Sirius' family were. And yet, here was Sirius. Brave, angry Sirius, who the Slytherins all called Blood-Traitor and who hexed anyone that said a bad word about or to a fellow Gryffindor. Sirius whose father was an expert at wandless magic, who's mother was just as good at wordless spells. Sirius who used Dark Magic on his first day. Sirius who inked magic into his skin to help him walk silently at home.

James and Sirius were like brothers, it was true. Sirius didn't talk about his real brother much. Did he talk to James, in the night when they both huddled behind James' curtains? Remus refused to listen in. He could, especially near the moon. But he would rather bury down in the blankets and pillows and not.

He was shaken from his reverie by Sirius sliding off the window ledge, 'Done.' He landed in front of Remus, 'How are we doing for time?'

Remus checked his watch, 'Five minutes. We should start.'

James leapt down, 'Alright. I'm going first!'

Peter stood up, looking a little nervous, 'Don't let me be last, I need a leg up.'

Sirius grinned, 'Don't worry Pete. I'll give you a leg up.'

James scrambled back up to the window, 'Here goes!' and shot through, back into the dorm.

It took Sirius and Remus to shove Pete up to the ledge, Remus thought, a little meanly, that Pete had put weight on since they had been at school.

'After you, Messer Lupin.' Sirius swept a flourished bow as Peter toppled in the window above them.

'My thanks, Messer Black.' He grinned and pulled himself up. He glanced at Sirius' etching on the stone, it all looked right. Ahead of him in the room, Pete and James seemed totally fine, watching him with big grins. He took a deep breath and stepped through, back onto the floorboards of their room.

He felt something. He was certain of it, but equally certain if he hadn't been straining every nerve to try and feel if anything happened. It was so small, but the feeling was familiar. But this was the first time he realised what it was he was sensing. It was like the smell of petrol, and a bright frost morning, smooth leather and something else he couldn't name. It was Sirius' magic.

Remus turned to see Sirius slip through the window behind him, with no visible change.

'Now what?' Peter asked.

James checked his watch, 'Now we wait… two minutes.'

They all stood and stared at each other, eyes flicking from one face to the next.

Two minutes, Remus thought, was quite a while when you were waiting for something. Then he heard Frank's footsteps on the spiral staircase outside, 'Quick. Get in the bathroom. We don't want Frank to see!'

The four boys shot through the door and James went to lock it, 'Huh. This door doesn't lock.'

'I know.' Sirius said in a disinterested tone, 'Probably because it's shared. We need to look up some good locking spells. Pete, sit against it.'

Sirius himself, sat on the counter between the sinks, 'How long now?'

'Another minute.'

James counted them down in the end, 'Ten, nine, eight, seven, this is going to be bloody brilliant, three, two, one – '

'James. Mate. That's fantastic!'


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Happy Samhuinn everyone! It's absolutely dreich here in Scotland today, but I hope you all have fantastic days. Take care, stay safe, enjoy the spoopy season!

**Halloween 1971**

It hadn't quite worked how they had planned, but the spell work was close enough that they all agreed the plan could continue. The question was, where to put the charms?

'And we don't want to get caught painting them.' Peter almost squeaked from his perch on the end of James' bed.

'Shh.' Sirius, leaning against the headboard, glared at him, 'Say it a little louder so Frank will hear why don't you?'

They had waited until the spell had ended and returned to the bedroom, Frank giving them a funny look for all being in the bathroom at once. The four boys had all made a big fuss about getting an early night, dressed in pyjamas and got into bed. Once Frank's light snores drifted through them room they had all climbed onto James' four poster to finalise them plan.

'I say we do it now, tonight.' James whispered, ignoring Sirius' lack of patience.

'We'll be caught.' Remus said firmly, but quietly, 'Teachers and prefects patrol at night.'

James grinned, catching Sirius' eye. The other boy finally sat up, lazy attitude slipping away to engaged excitement.

'Tonight? Yeah. We should do it.'

Remus looked from one black haired boy to the other, 'Alright, what is it?'

James feined a concerned expression, 'I don't know. What do you think Sirius, should I show them?'

'Show us what? What is it?'

'You'd better, before Peter – '

'Enough Sirius.'

James jumped at Remus' tone, hard and clearly would brook no argument. He braced for Sirius kicking off.

And then, 'Fine, if it bothers you.' Sirius looked away from Remus, not meeting his eye. Then turned back to James, grin returning, 'Go on, show them.'

James reached under his bed to where he had stashed it earlier for this very reveal. He pulled the bundle of fabric up onto the bed and waited for their stunned reactions. He got none.

'What is it?' Peter piped up.

'Oh for Godric's sake.' James grabbed a handful of the cloak and threw it over Sirius. Sirius disappeared.

Remus, looking slightly shocked, breathed, 'No. It can't be.'

Sirius' head reappeared, floating earily with no body, 'Oh but it is.'

'They are so rare James, where did you get it?'

'Family heirloom, passed down forever through my Dad's side.'

'But what _is_ it?' Peter pestered.

'It's an invisibilty cloak Pete.' James said quickly before the bored Sirius did something drastic. 'We can sneak out under it and no one will see us.'

'That is rather brilliant.' Remus conceded.

'Exactly.' Sirius nodded, 'So obviously we need to get the entrance to the dungeons, for Slytherin.'

'Why not just do the Great Hall?' Peter sounded wary now, he'd obviously had enough of being snapped at by Sirius for the night.

James tapped his lower lip, 'No, I reckon the teachers would spot it pretty quickly. Are we sure it needs to be a doorway?'

'No – '

'Maybe – '

Remus and Sirius spoke at the same time. Sirius waved a hand politely to signal Remus should go first.

'It's like an enchantment, a field that the target has to walk through. A door is like a…' He searched for the word and Sirius took up the thread.

'A portal, it's self contained. If we just put it on a wall say, we have no way of knowing if it would just effect the wall, or things around the wall, or a certain distance from the wall.'

Remus nodded, 'Yes. So, a doorway or an archway that people go through is best. That's why we used the window.'

'Alright, so we can do the portait hole here,' James ticked them off on his fingers, 'And the dungeons. That gets us and the Slytherins.'

'Ravenclaw tower too.' Sirius added, 'We'll just have to find the closest door.'

'Yes,' James agreed, 'But what about Hufflepuff? Where do they even live?'

Remus and Sirius looked blank, but Peter, seeing their empty faces beamed, 'I know.'

They all turned to look at him, 'Well? Spit it out!' Sirius demanded.

'Shh.' Remus hissed.

Peter's grin didn't diminish, 'Sorry, I'm just enjoying knowing something you don't. It's next to the kitchens, in a little alcove.'

James grabbed the smaller boy in a tight hug, nearly knocking Remus off the bed and knuckled the top of his head, 'Pete wins again. You tiny genius!'

'Brilliant Pete.' Sirius grinned at him too, 'But what about the teachers?'

Remus looked at them again, with a _I think you two have gone mad again_ look, 'The teachers?'

'Oh yeah, it has to be everyone. Including us.'

James laughed quietly, 'Come on, it'll be brilliant. Imagine Dumbledore.'

Even Remus sniggered then, 'Fine, alright. We'll scope some likely doors or what have you as we go.'

Thus decided. They clambered out of James' bed and gathered up the carefully drawn notes, Sirius quills and ink, their wands. Peter even grabbed some chocolate frogs shoving one in to each of their dressing gown pockets as they set off into the dark.

* * *

The spell was timed for lunch. Which to Remus' mind was plenty early enough to be getting up on a Sunday, two days before the moon, when they hadn't even gone to bed until four in the morning. That did not stop James dragging them all down for breakfast at nine.

When Remus complained, James had pointed out that nine was a lie in anyway and it was an alibi, Remus had subsided and slouched down with the others.

He was glad, in the end, because he had barely sat down when a handsome long-eared owl landed on the tea pot in front of him, Remus blinked and then grinned.

' _H_ _à_ _lo De_ _ò_ _iridh, madainn mhath._ '

The owl hooted gently in reply and held out her leg, for him to take the letter. He carefully untied it, and offered her some sausage in return. Deòiridh plucked it from his fingers and took off.

Sirius opened his mouth to ask something but was cut off by Marlene across the table, ' _Remus? A bheil Gàidhlig agaibh?'_

James and Sirius both turned to stare at her.

' _Tha beagan. Tha Gàidhlig aig m'athair.'_

Lily had stopped to watch this exchange now too, and Remus could feel himself starting to blush.

Marlene must have noticed too, because she switched back to English, 'I thought you were Welsh?'

'I am, but my Dad's family are from the Outer Hebrides. I thought you were Glaswegian?'

'Nae chance, aim fae Skye.' She grinned in pure Weegie.

Even Sirius was looking lost now and Remus laughed, 'Careful, you'll scare the English.'

Cackling Marlene reached down the table to pass him a platter of tattie scones, 'Ooh, ta.' He grinned and offered Sirius the tea pot.

Sirius was still staring at him, 'You're putting me to shame Lupin.' He muttered holding out his cup, ' I'm going to have to _learn_ things.'

'As if that would be such a crim – Sirius watch out!'

Sirius ducked, just in time, as his mother's eagle owl streaked passed where his head had been, talons outstretched. He landed on the table, looking positively evil about having missed scalping Sirius. Sirius straightened, giving the owl a glare of equal ferocity. The temperature around Sirius noticeably dropped several degrees as he noticed the small parcel and letter tied to the owl's leg.

The girls were eyeing the owl, 'Sirius, he's beautiful. What's his name?' Lily asked.

'Kreios.' Sirius said flatly.

Lily held out from bacon for the bird, and Sirius used the distraction to untie the parcel.

Realising he had missed another chance to savage Sirius, Kreios gave an angry sounding hiss and leapt into the air, using Sirius' shoulder to give himself one last push off.

Remus eyed the letter suspiciously, remembering the last one he had seen Sirius open. There had been others he knew, not always sent with Kreios, Ministry owls Sirius had said, but he had never opened any sent by Kreios at the table. Or in front of Remus again either.

Sirius however, read the envelope and calmly turned it over, popping the seal. The rest of the hall was carrying on as normal, but Remus found he was holding his breath, waiting for whatever hex or nastiness Sirius' mother had sent this time.

As Sirius read, the coldness diminished. He folded the letter and tucked it carefully into an inside pocket of his jacket. Sirius still dressed in a shirt and tie, even on days off. Remus wondered if he even owned jeans.

'What is it mate?' James asked around a mouthful of scrambled eggs.

'Just from my father. An early birthday present.'

Remus remembered Sirius saying he was nearly twelve, the other night.

'Oh? When is it?' Peter asked, looking excited.

Sirius was still flat, formal, if not frozen then still cool, 'Oh. It's the third.' He looked around at James and Peter's eager faces, 'He'll be out of the country, which is why he sent it now.'

'Why didn't you tell us?' James sounded horror struck.

'Tell you what?' Sirius softened slightly in his confusion.

'When your birthday is you idiot! You realise we only have two days to sort anything out?!'

Now Sirius was completely thrown, 'What do you mean?'

'To get your presents and stuff? Godric, why did you not tell us?' James shook his head sadly, 'Well, never mind, plans have been thought up in less time.' He nodded to Remus, 'And what did you get? In one of your secret languages.'

'They aren't secret languages.' Remus retorted and opened the letter. He skimmed the words, not really taking them in. He had been so caught up in their planning, the moon had gone right out of his head. It was on Tuesday, another pre-sunset moon too. He'd probably need to avoid classes completely Tuesday and Wednesday. He certainly wouldn't be up to celebrating Sirius' birthday. He sighed, and realised James was still watching him.

'Oh – um… it'd from my Dad. He says,' an idea struck him, 'Mum isn't doing very well. I might have to go home for a few days.'

Sirius put down his tea, 'It's that serious?'

'You're Sirius.' Peter snickered, but for once Sirius ignored him.

Remus half nodded, half shrugged, 'Maybe. It's just hard for him to manage by himself and…' He scrambled for another lie, '…and we can't really afford to hire a nurse or anything.' He fidgeted with the fraying cuff of his second-hand cardigan.

James looked surprised by this revelation, but Sirius very tactfully moved the conversation on, 'Ah. Well, I hope she is better soon.' He nodded to the teachers table, 'Do you think we have them all yet?'

Remus let their excited chatter wash over him, half tuned out. Thinking about the moon.

* * *

James kept up a constant stream of chatter about the next Gryffindor quidditch match all morning, running upstairs to get his own quaffle and insisting Peter played catch with him out in the grounds as they waited for lunch.

Remus had brought a book, and sat on a dryish looking rock on the shore of the lake. In the grey morning light Sirius though he didn't look too well himself, never mind his mother. Strange, he frowned to himself, that they would get sick at the same time. But Remus said it was the same sickness that they shared. He tried to shrug it off, he knew little enough about magical illnesses, let alone Muggle ones.

Sirius scrambled up the rocks to perch above Remus. He was still holding the parcel from his father. He carefully unfolded the letter and read it again.

' _Dear Sirius,_

_I have been called away, on the usual business, so am sending your present a touch early. Do not attempt to contact me, I will be quite busy._

_Your mother continues in her normal way, and will not – I expect – be writing to you in the week. I have been wrong before, however she is still distressed by your sorting._

_Please enjoy the attached, you and I shall discuss the matter of your schooling during Yule._

_Your father,_

_Orion Black'_

Sirius fought the urge to launch the whole lot into the lake. How could they possibly be blaming his sorting on him? It wasn't as though you got to choose. The Sorting Hat had put him in Gryffindor and that's all there was too it.

He carefully unwrapped the black paper, making sure not to drop anything. Another slip of paper sat on top, with a short note in his father's beautiful flowing script, Sirius picked it up first and read.

' _I recall Hogwarts being rather cold in winter. These should be of use._ '

Sirius put the note aside and looked down at the handsome black leather gloves. But before he could inspect them, the bright shine of silver drew his eye. He knew what it was without even picking it up, it should have come with him to Hogwarts in the first place, but had needed to be resized, Orion's fingers had been bigger than his son's at school.

Gently, as one would pick up something fragile or dangerous, Sirius lifted the signet ring and turned it over in his hand. It was rather delicate for a signet, not too unwieldly or heavy. The plain silver caught what little light pushed through the clouds above, highlighting the Black family crest.

He slipped it onto his left, little finger. A perfect fit.

'Oi! Black!' Sirius looked up suddenly.

James was waving at him from below, 'Come on, you can't sulk up there all day!'

Sirius shoved the gloves and letter back into his pocket and leapt down the rocks to join the others. Remus even put his book down after a while and helped Peter to show them, using the Quaffle, the Muggle game of Footsball. Which seemed a bit like Quidditch, only with a lot more running and you weren't allowed to use your hands for some reason.

By lunch time, all four boys were streaked in mud – James and Sirius had demanded to be taught tackling – and hungry. They had almost forgotten about the prank when they stepped into the Entrance Hall and across Hogwarts the clocktower chimed for midday.

Peter froze part way through explaining to Sirius which footsball club he was supposed to prefer based on where he lived, ' – Sirius! It's happened!'

Sirius looked down at Peter's shocked face, only what he actually saw was the enchanted facepaint mask of a skeleton. He felt a grin stretch across his own features as he turned to see James – the vampire – Potter, and Remus the… actually, 'Remus what are you?'

Remus turned from eyeing him apprehensively, to peer at his face in the nearest House Hourglass, which happened to be Gryffindor.

'Oh, I think I'm Frankenstein's Monster.'

Sirius frowned, 'But I don't know what that is.'

'And I did the Gryffindor common room, remember?' Remus smiled, 'You claimed your hand had cramped.'

'Oh, right.'

As they turned towards the entrance hall, the range of their enchantments came into full view. The spell had supposed to just give everyone the Halloween design they liked the best, but it seemed as though what had happened was a selection of designs from each of the boys who had drawn the spell were recycled over and over again. Thankfully James had done Hufflepuff, and Remus and Sirius had done the rest so there was a good mix. Strolling into the Hall they found themselves surrounded by hags and ghouls and sugar skulls. People were pointing and laughing, others dashing off to the bathrooms and peering at themselves in jugs or spoons.

Sirius felt like his knees would collapse, as James clung on to him, both of them caught in tremendous gales of laughter.

* * *

By the feast that evening, a brilliant side effect of their multi-positioned spell had made itself known. Passing through one of the enchanted portals re-rolled the dice as it were on the design you got. Over a period of a few minutes, one design would fade slowly into the next.

Unfortunately, this let the staff in on where some of the designs were placed.

But, more pleasingly to James, they over heard Flitwick telling Professor McGonagol that he was quite impressed with the level of detail, and frankly, since it would wear off by the end of the night, he saw no reason not to leave the charms where they were, or the students in their paint. She had agreed, smiling until she saw them loitering and shouted to them to move on from behind her mummy bandages.

Even Dumbledore kept his Cornish Pixie paint on as he gave the Halloween speech, looking rather spooky as he was surrounded by floating pumpkins and flocks of bats flittering around the hall.

James leant back on the bench, grinning at Sirius-the-werewolf, thoroughly stuffed from the feast and sighed. That had been a good one.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Is it really the third of November? Oh well then... Happy Sirius Day! Have a whole chapter from him in celebration. I will try not to do anything too awful to him!

Chapter Thirteen

Remus had left mid-morning. His father contacted McGonagall apparently, he needed him home to help with his mother. Even Jim and Pete had noticed how pale and fragile he had looked at breakfast, he had not come to double Potions either, leaving while they bent over cauldrons in the dungeons.

James has asked Sirius if he though Remus was sick again. Sirius pondered this now, staring up at the heavy full moon, hanging in the sky above him. If he received a letter telling him he had to leave Hogwarts and return home to care for Walburga, he would have looked likely to vomit any second too. He let his eyes travel down the Milky Way, past his cousins and Father, of course, to the horizon. To the exact spot just below the trees and the curvature of the earth where, in just over ten minutes, his star would rise. Just a few minutes earlier than it had twelve years ago. He let himself wonder, for a moment, how Regulus was doing. He spared a glance to the east, but Regulus’ star was still below the horizon.

He shook himself. Regulus would be fine. _She_ never confused him for their father, she was calmer with Reg. Which was a blessing because Regulus could not handle her by himself, not all the time, and Orion was _away_. Again.

A sound in the still night caught his attention, a howl over the eerie grounds. Sirius grinned. He had heard rumours of werewolves in the Forest. He hoped they were true. He was fascinated by them. He loved all Creatures really, not just magical ones either. Not that he was allowed anything other than an owl. He spared a thought for the poor bird, probably bored witless in the Owlery, since he had no one to write to. He was not stupid enough to –

Sirius stopped, below the tower, silent as a ghost, a shape flowed above the grass, banking, and flapping wings – yes, wings – to climb the tower. He held still as the barn owl landed lightly on the stone next to him, he stroked the smoke grey feathers and fox auburn colouring around his beak.

‘Hello Maurus.’

‘Sirius, _what is that_?’ James’ harsh whisper made both Sirius and the owl jump.

Sirius grinned at the owl, resuming his stroking, and not turning to James, ‘This is Maurus, he’s my brother’s owl.’

‘What _kind_ of owl is he?’ James scrambled out of the window.

‘Oh. Melanistic barn owl. He’s a barn owl that came out too black, like the opposite of a barn owl.’

‘Huh, that’s cool.’

‘Yep.’ Sirius carefully untied the letter on Maurus’ leg and petted the owl once more. He clicked his beak and soared gracefully off into the night.

‘Are you out here worrying about Remus?’

Sirius gave him a look. _Do not try and pry_ , the look said, ‘No, not really.’

‘Then what?’

Sirius sighed and pointed at the horizon, ‘Waiting for _Canis Major_.’

‘Oh. Oh! That’s your star, right?’

Sirius let a smug smirk wash over his face, ‘No. Sirius is the brightest star in _Canis Major_ , and in the night sky.’

James grinned back, ‘Then how come you’re so dim.’

Sirius laughed, a bark of laughter that echoed off the stones, ‘Piss off Potter. My charm work is far superior to yours.’

‘Yeah, but I can transfigure anything faster than you.’

‘Want to bet?’

They were interrupted by Pete sticking his head out of the window, holding James’ watch, ‘It’s time!’

‘Time for what?’ Sirius felt slightly suspicious.

‘It’s midnight!’ James beamed, ‘Happy birthday, Sirius.’

Sirius smiled but shook his head, ‘Not for another twenty-two minutes.’

‘What?’

Sirius pointed back at the horizon, ‘I was born at twenty-two minutes past, at the family lodge near Loss Ness. The exact moment Sirius cross the horizon. If my parents had been in London, as they were supposed to be, I would have been called something else.’

‘You mean we have to wait another twenty-one minutes?’ Came Frank’s voice from inside, ‘Then I’m going back to sleep for fifteen.’

Sirius looked at James in confusion, ‘What are you all up to?’

James nudged him conspiratorially with one shoulder, ‘You’ll see Sirius me old mate. You’ll see.’ He glanced down at the dark envelope in Sirius’ hands, ‘Going to open that?’

Sirius turned it over. It was unaddressed, but the seal on the back was definitely Regulus’. The Black family shield, complete with chevron, stars, and sword, quartered with plain black – _sable_ , his inner voice reminded him sharply – as was fitting for the younger brother. He could not help but fidget with the signet ring Orion had sent, twisting it on his finger.

James caught the gesture, ‘Is that what I think it is?’

Sirius nodded, ‘Do you have one?’

James cackled, ‘Ha! No. The cloak is the only heirloom I’m trusted with, and only ‘cause that’s tradition.’ He shrugged, ‘Anyway, we Potters don’t go in for all that, as you know.’

Sirius smirked again, ‘Except Uncle Charlus.’

‘Except Uncle Charlie, yeah.’

Sirius made a decision and opened the letter. He wasn’t immediately cursed and took that for a good sign.

He read, in the candlelight coming from the dorm:

_Dear Brother,_

_Felicitations on the completion of the twelfth solar orbit of this terrestrial body since your parturition on to it._

_I write to you in leu of a gift, as such things are currently unobtainable. Did you receive Father’s letter? I agree with its contents wholeheartedly._

_I am currently tasked with a great deal of preparative work, so that I may be ready for my induction into the Great House of Slytherin by September. Uncle Alphard is residing in London for the time being and has been assisting Mother and my new tutor with my studies. Father also when he is here, which is not often due to his working schedule as I am sure you understand. Uncle also asks that I send his felicitations to you, so I am doing so, consider this them._

_I hope school is pleasant, and you are not having too hard of a time with everything. Narcissa writes her parents regularly but has little news of you. Perhaps you might write to Mother, just a little more frequently. So that we may know what to speak of at Yuletide when we see you next?_

_Your loving brother,_

_Regulus Arcturus Black_

Sirius snorted his way through the letter in stifled laughter. He offered it to the ever-curious looking James, who had been quite furious at not being involved in the poisonous puss letter of their second night.

James stared at the letter for a while, then looked at Sirius, ‘Is your brother alright in the head?’

Sirius’ laugh really did echo that time, and Pete stuck his head out again, ‘What’s happening?’

Sirius took a deep breath to still himself, ‘Yes, of course he is. He got to about seven and started writing and talking so formally. It became a bit of a family joke. Of course, he’s not that much bigger than he was then. So, it is still pretty funny. And…’ Sirius forced himself not to glance at Peter, ‘It’s a good way of getting meaning out in letters that others might not read into them.’

James’ eyes flashed in the moonlight as he understood. He passed the letter back to Sirius, ‘Fair enough. What’s your dad off doing? I though he was on the Wizengamot?’

‘Oh, he is.’ Sirius sighed and leant against the balustrade, ‘This is family stuff probably. Last time he visited relatives in Germany and Austria.’

‘Ah right –’ He was cut off by Peter.

‘Now! Now it’s time!’

James flourished a bow, ‘Messer Black, would you please do me the honour of accompanying me inside?’

With an amused grin, Sirius bowed back, ‘It would be my pleasure Messer Potter. Messer Pettigrew, would you give me a moment of assistance?’

Peter beamed, ‘But of course Messer Black.’

Sirius threw up his cloak and scrambled after it.

‘Longbottom.’ He nodded to Frank, who nodded back.

‘Sirius.’

Frank and Peter stepped back, and in the candle lit room James’ bedside table had be dragged to the middle of the floor. On it was possibly the biggest cake Sirius had seen since Bellatrix’s engagement party last year. It was huge and covered in what seemed to be buttercream icing, but it looked dark in the gentle light. There were twelve lit candles, and a card underneath that said ‘Happy Birthday Sirius’ in a looping script Sirius felt looked a little like Remus’ but as though he had taken a deal of time on it.

On the floor around the table where five wrapped gifts. The paper ranged from vibrant flowers with eyes in the centre – straight from Muggle fashion – to some hastily spellotaped brown paper. Sirius loved everything.

‘ _For he’s a jolly good fellow,_

_For he’s a jolly good fellow,_

_For he’s a jolly good feh-eh-low!_

_And so, say all of us!’_

The other boys belted out the song, loudly enough that the fifth years in the room below shouted up that they should shut up.

Sirius grinned at his friends, ‘This is brilliant.’

Not a one of them slept until the early hours. James, having discovered Sirius’ love of coffee, had asked the house elves for coffee cake. Peter and Frank had apparently never had coffee in any form before, and the caffeine had a rather energetic effect on them.

Sirius had refused to take off the Gryffindor hat and scarf that had been from Frank and James, until McGonagall had threatened to personally destroy them. James’ gift had also included a fully flying model Nimbus 1001, which they both desperately wanted even though the broom wasn’t being released until Christmas.

Peter, slightly predictably, but no less delightfully received by Sirius, had ordered a box of sweets from Honeydukes, containing samples of all their top lines. Sirius had promised to split the whole thing with everyone after their lessons were over.

He almost hadn’t wanted to open the gift from Remus. It didn’t seem right, with Remus being away. But James insisted and so Sirius had gently unstuck the fascinating paper to discover the beautiful brown leather-bound book.

Frank and James had frowned at the French words, embossed in a circle on the front in gold.

_‘What does it say?’ Peter had asked, leaning over._

_‘Jules Verne, Voyage au Centre de la Terre.’ Sirius frowned, ‘Jules Verne is the author, but I’ve never heard of him, or the story.’_

_‘Yes, but what does it_ mean _?’ Peter pressed._

_‘Oh. Erm, the journey to the centre of the world.’ Sirius grinned, ‘Sounds good though.’_

_‘Oh no you don’t!’ James had grabbed his wrist as he went to open the book, he dropped Sirius’ arm just as quickly, but covered his shock well, ‘You aren’t turning into Lupin on us tonight. Put it down!’_

Sirius glanced across the desk in Transfiguration. James’ fingers still seemed a bit red. He honestly hadn’t meant to do… whatever it was, it looked like he had stuck is fingers into too hot water. Sirius looked away. He still wasn’t used to the amount of touching James felt necessary, and he’d been caught off guard.

Transfiguration was the last lesson of the day, and he was excited to leave and lounge around, reading his new book and eating the sweets Peter had brought. Not the chocolate though, that was being held in reserve until Remus got back. And Sirius still wasn’t to certain about chocolate after the September incident.

The last gift had been from Uncle Alphard. He’d sent it to James the day before. Apparently, the fact that Sirius and James were friends had, somehow, filtered back from someone to his mother. Sirius would put money on it being Narcissa. Alphard had sent a box of fresh supplies from Gambol and Japes, with a note expressing Alphard’s absolute readiness to refute all knowledge of the present if Sirius was caught with it, or using it, or its contents in anyway.

Back in the dormitory, as he and James added their new supplies to the prank box, Sirius couldn’t avoid glancing at Remus’ empty bed, and wishing their friend were there too, as Frank sat cross legged on the end of his bed, produced a notebook in which he kept a record of the more recent transgressions of Slytherin house against them, and they began their next war council. Prank the Third, firework extravaganza. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Happy Saturday everyone! How are we all doing? Hanging on in there I hope? As always my thoughts and love are with you all, wherever you are, in these most trying of times.  
> Quick content warning here: Underage smoking. It's the 70s, these things happen. I obviously do not approve of children smoking in any way.

Chapter 14

**8th November 1971**

By the following Monday, the moon was very nearly back down to three-quarters and the last of Remus' bandages had come off. He curled into the window seat nearest the fire in the Gryffindor common room, in theory he was reading. What he was actually doing was letting his eyes unfocus on the flames, as he listened to the rain beat against the cool glass. The Prewett twins were teaching the other first years a complicated card game called Kings, that seemed to involve a lot of shouting and jumping around. Apparently, it was better with alcohol, but Remus suspected that was not actually the case.

'All our homework is done, you are aware?' Sirius' voice made him jump, he sat up with a little shiver.

'I do know.'

'Then why are you reading with a notebook?' Sirius leant against the wall by Remus feet, a woven scarlet blanket trailing from one hand.

Remus held out the thick book for Sirius to see.

'Tolstoy? _War and Peace_. I don't know it.'

'It's Russian. Muggle.'

'It's very big.' Sirius eyed it.

'That's why I take notes. So I remember who everyone is.'

Sirius nodded, and then seemed to remember the blanket. He draped it easily over Remus' knees, 'It's cold, and you are still pale.' He offered by way of explanation.

Remus suddenly felt very warm, specifically in the cheek department, 'Thank you. That was… um, kind.'

Sirius nodded, eyes silver as pins catching his, 'You are welcome.'

'How are you enjoying Jules Verne?'

Sirius' face lit up, ' _C'est fantastique_! It's wonderful, I haven't finished it yet, I don't want it to end.'

Remus smiled, 'I hoped you'd like it. I've only read it in French once, and that was with help from my Da.'

'But you speak French, do you not?'

He shrugged, ' _Un petit peu_ , but not as well as you.'

'I shall help you to improve then.' Sirius sat on the back of the sofa, balancing easily.

Remus felt a pang of guilt. Not only had he missed Sirius' birthday, but the recovery from the moon had knocked him so hard he hadn't joined Sirius outside since before the moon. So, he smiled again, 'I'd like that.'

* * *

**17th November 1971**

'You're paranoid Lily!' Marlene cackled, sliding sideways on to Dorcus shoulder.

'I am not.' Lily tossed her hair, 'We all agree the frog spawn soap and belching powder were them?'

Alice nodded, 'Definitely. The overflowing girls' toilets too if you ask me.'

Marlene rolled her eyes, 'Fine, but the fireworks? How would they have got into the Slytherin common room to set them? Even if they knew the password they would have been seen.'

'Why don't you like them anyway Lils?' Dorcus looked up from where Marlene had now fidgeted around to put her feet in her lap, 'They haven't done much to us.'

'That's the point though isn't it?' She said archly, 'They do things to people. Sev told me about the spells Black uses.'

'Well, _Severus_ knows all about the spells that get thrown around in corridors, doesn't he?' Marlene sneered.

'Oh, please Marls, don't be like that.'

'Why shouldn't she be?' Alice asked.

'Because she's got nothing to do with it.' A small voice snapped from behind Lily.

The girls all turned to see Mary, pale face looking pinched, 'I'm sorry Marls, but it's true. You aren't Muggleborn, you don't know what it is like.'

Marlene sat up, dark eyes flashing with fire, 'Oh no. Of course, I've got nae fucking idea what it's like with folk hating you for your blood.'

'She does have a point Marls. Half-blood isn't the same –' Alice started, but was cut off as Marlene grabbed her bag and stormed off, '– what did I say?'

Lily rubbed her face, 'She's mixed race Alice.'

'So?'

'So, in the Muggle world some people have a problem with that.'

Alice looked at the staircase Marlene had stormed up, 'Oh.'

* * *

**22nd November 1971**

Sirius had gone out early. James and Peter had detention for a fight with some Slytherin bastards, Remus was having check ups in the Infirmary. He had tried to read for a while, but he had finished Jules Verne and his schoolbooks could not hold his attention. He leant against the balustrade and drank in the night air. It was like drinking tonight. A heavy mist had come down over the grounds, and he could barely see the grass below the tower, everything was covered by the white fog.

'Bugger, shit, balls.'

Sirius' head came up with a start at the voice. He glanced around but could see no one. No shapes inside the dorm room. Frowning, Sirius set off around the tower. He did not have to walk far before he came up against a wall, it finished just above his head, and a dull thud sounded on the far side.

'Hello?'

'Who the fuck… Sirius?'

'Marlene?' Sirius placed his hands on the balustrade and pulled himself up. Balancing right on the edge he could see over the partition, down to the curly haired girl on the other side. 'Hello.'

'Hi.' She tried to smile, but he could tell she was on the verge of crying.

He swung a leg over the wall, until he was sitting on it. Then let himself drop down on to her side.

'What on earth are you doing Black?'

He grinned, straightening up, 'Invading. And yourself?'

She sighed, 'I'm avoiding the others.'

Sirius nodded understandingly, 'I see.'

'Dunnae start on me, Sassenach.'

'Sassenach?'

'Aye. You. Southern bastard.'

He smirked, 'That's how it is, is it?'

'Aye.'

He leant on the wall, watching her face, 'What's happened?'

'It's all gone tae shit. Mary and I had a fight, and everyone is picking sides.' He nodded for her to go on, 'And now I cannae get a match to light.'

She held out a cardboard box of what looked like cigarettes, and a battered match box.

Sirius smiled, 'That, I can help with.'

He pulled out his wand and gestured for her to pick up her cigarette, she held it between her lips, and he muttered, ' _Inflamari minimis_.' A tiny flame glowed into existence at the tip of his wand and Marlene lowered her head to it. A quick puff and the smell of tobacco and cloves filled the space between them.

She smiled, 'Thanks. Do you want one?'

He shrugged, 'Why not?' He took the proffered clove cigarette. Marlene leant in towards him, pressing the glowing tip of hers to the end of his.

'Inhale.' She murmured around hers and he did as she said.

It took a moment, and Sirius could smell the scent of jasmine from her hair, cocoa butter on her skin mixed with the heady smell from the cigarettes. It was strangely intimate, being so close. He leant back against the wall and took a deep drag, stifling the urge to cough that came from the smoke.

Marlene laughed, 'First time?'

'Technically. Though when the gentlemen smoke after dinner at home you don't really need your own one.'

She leant against the balustrade, only a foot or so away, 'That sounds like my house. But I'd guess ours is smaller.'

'Just need some brandy.'

'Or rum.' She grinned over her shoulder at him, 'So, why are you out here?'

'I needed some quiet.'

'Aye?'

'Yes.'

'I thought your mates were all out and about.'

He snorted quietly and shut his eyes, leaning his head back, 'They are.'

'Too quiet then?'

'Too loud in my own head.'

'Ah.'

He heard her move and forced himself to keep his eyes shut. He was not too surprised when she leant her forehead against his shoulder. His wand was still held lightly in his left hand, the borrowed cigarette in his other. She was standing just off to his left, and he slid his wand back into his pocket before placing his hand lightly on her waist. Like he would if they were dancing really. She turned her head to the side to take a drag, and they stood there for a while, letting the mist swirl around them. It was surprisingly peaceful. Eventually Marlene stepped back and looked up at him.

'Thanks Sirius.'

'Think nothing of it.'

She smiled and shook her head, then on her tiptoes, pressed her lips lightly against his cheek. Before he could say anything, she turned and flicked the end of her cigarette over the parapet. She turned and started towards what must have been the girls' dorm window.

'Marlene?'

'Yes Sirius?'

'It will be alright with the girls. I'm sure of it.'

She gave him her sad smile again and disappeared.

Sirius sent his end after hers and climbed back over the wall.

When the others came back, Peter and James had apparently been scrubbing bed pans in the Infirmary and so Remus had waited for them to finish after his meeting with Pomfrey, Sirius was sitting cross-legged on his bed, parchment in front of him, quill in hand.

'What you doing?' James said, dropping his blazer on his bed and coming around to Sirius.

'Writing a letter.' He knew, could hear, that his tone was all wrong.

'Who to?' Peter piped up.

'Home.' Peter flushed at how sharp Sirius' tone was – well, thought Sirius, he should have taken the hint the first time. James gave Peter a tiny nod and came and sat on Sirius bed, facing him.

'Everything alright Siri?'

Sirius shut his eyes, taking a deep breath, 'Yes. My brother asked me to write, if you remember?'

'Course.' James glanced at the blank parchment. 'What are you going to say?'

'The usual things. Lessons, homework, health and weather.'

'Alright. We swiped some pumpkin juice from the kitchens, want some?'

Sirius nodded, if only to stop Jim fussing.

James brought it to him, and then got out his chess set. He and Remus poured over the board and Pete watched, and Sirius pulled the words from his chest to carve into the parchment.

_Dear Mother, Uncle Alphard, and Regulus,_

_It is my sincerest hope this letter finds you all well. I apologise for my lateness in writing, I have been remarkably busy between my classes and homework. I am performing well, especially so in Charms, Transfiguration, and History of Magic. History is incredibly dull, not least because I have already studied much of the First-Year curriculum, but because the Professor is a ghost. Was Professor Binns alive when you attended? And if so, was he this dull then?_

_The weather here of late has been dreadful, I hope that it has been better in London. I am reliably informed by older students that it will snow here soon, that would be preferable to the near constant rain. I hope the damp has not affected Regulus' chest again, though perhaps if the weather is better with you, he will be fine._

_I believe the Hogwarts Express will be returning to London on 18th December, so I will see you in just under a month. I look forward to our reuniting with great anticipation._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Sirius O. Black_

By the time he had finished Remus had surrendered to James, who was now teaching Peter the basics. Sirius heated the black sealing wax quickly and closed the letter with the initialled stamp from his drawer. He stretched as he stood.

'Just running to the Owlery.'

Jim and Pete nodded, but Remus stood, 'I'll come with you for the walk.'

Sirius thought about arguing, but smiled, 'Fine.'

They had left the common room and gone down three floors before Remus spoke, 'Jimmy said you got a letter when I was away?'

'From my brother, Regulus.'

'That's two in a week. Is everything alright?'

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, 'Why do you all keep asking that?'

'Sirius, I've seen what letters from your parents can do.'

He shut his eyes for a moment, breathing out and forcing himself not to bite his cheek, 'It was fine. This first was from my father, the second from my brother. Both to wish me a happy birthday.'

'Will you be going home for Christmas?' Remus' tone suggested innocence.

'Yes, will you?'

'I'm not sure yet. But probably.'

Sirius nodded, 'Will you be doing anything special?'

'Oh, just the usual, tree, dinner, presents. We might go to church for mass if Mum wants.'

'How is she?' Sirius felt a pang of guilt for not asking in days.

Remus looked a little flustered, 'She's alright. Doing much better now,' He caught Sirius' eye and smiled, 'Thanks for asking. So, what does the Black family do for Christmas?'

Sirius pushed open the Owlery door, 'House Black doesn't celebrate anything as mundane as Christmas.'

'That's a shame.'

Sirius stepped into the middle of the tower floor, 'It is what it is.' He whistled a shifting low, high, low pattern and far above there was an answering swish of wings. She landed gracefully on Sirius outstretched arm, and he stroked her speckled wings and striped chest, 'Remus Lupin, meet Kallisto.'

'She is beautiful Sirius, I've never seen an owl like her, she looks almost…'

'Like a hawk? Yes. Northern Hawk Owl. I saw her and had to have her.' Sirius fed her a treat from his pocket, 'Will you take this to 12 Grimmauld Place for me darling?' He said quietly to the owl, 'Try Regulus or Alphard first.'

She snapped her beak cheerfully and held her leg out. He tied it on and carried her to the window. 'Good flight.' Sirius wished her and she swept off into the night.

He turned back to Remus, 'No. We prefer to celebrate Yule, the old-fashioned way.'

Curiosity lit up Lupin's face, 'My Da's family celebrate Yule, but he doesn't really talk about it. What happens?'

Sirius fidgeted with his ring unconsciously, 'We have a big feast on the night, there's fasting from sunset to sunset before hand, but my brother is too young for that.'

'Have you done it before?'

Sirius pulled a face, 'Every year since I was seven, but I'm the heir. Sometimes we go hunting if,' He managed barely a pause, 'If my parents feel like it.'

'I though Regulus was only a year younger?'

'He is, but he isn't the heir.' Sirius shrugged, 'That's the way of things.'

'Do you still have a tree?'

Sirius smiled, 'We do, and decorations. We just don't call it Christmas.'

Remus smiled back, 'Are you excited?'

'I can't wait to see my brother, and my Uncle is staying at the house at the moment. My favourite uncle.' He clarified, 'So, what happens at church? _En fran_ _ç_ _ais, si vous le pouvez_.'

Remus laughed, 'I'll try. _Le soir de No_ _ë_ _l, nous allons…_ '

Sirius listened with rapt attention all the way back to their dorm.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: TRIGGER WARNING – SELF HARM. Sirius is making a new tattoo here, please feel free to skip this one if that is something you don't want to see/is bad for you.  
> I love you all so much, thank you for reading my fics. If you ever feel unsafe at home, or anywhere, remember that you are not alone. There are people in your life who love you and want you to be safe and well. If you need help, please reach out to the Samaritans, a trusted adult/friend/family member, Childline, or whatever the charity where you live is.  
> We live in dark and sometimes terrifying times, stay safe, take care.

Chapter Fifteen

The first weekend of December saw heavy snow fall across the castle, rendering it a fairy palace in ice. Not that Remus would have said that out loud to the others, with their manic charging into snow drifts.

Well, not everyone. Remus, having grown up in rural Wales was well used to snow. James too, had grown up in the country. Not that this fact stopped him from sliding down mounds of snow on his belly and building forts the moment there was more than an inch of fallen snow.

The first weekend, even the girls joined them. Only one person hung back. Sirius lingered on the steps from the Entrance Hall. Remus looked back over his shoulder, biting his lip in concern.

_Remus staggered slightly in the doorway to the First-Year boys' dorm, clipping his elbow against the frame he growled softly. He glanced around guiltily, but the room was empty. It was four o'clock in the afternoon and he knew no one would be there, but still. If they hadn't received detention in the day and a half, he had been "sick" then in all likelihood James had dragged the others to watch the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice out in the dusky grounds. He was determined to try out next year, and Sirius would probably join him._

_Remus sat gingerly on his bed, the stiff bandages around his cracked ribs made moving difficult. Why did their room have to be at the very top of the tower? The stairs had been nightmarish._

_After the first two moons at Hogwarts, when the transformations had been almost easy, the damage the wolf inflicted on them had escalated again. Madame Pomfrey though it was to do with Remus' recent growth spirt, the wolf was getting bigger too, more teenaged. He sighed and slumped sideways. Maybe when he got home Dadi would have some ideas. A wave of guilt crashed over Remus. His father had already given up his impressive career to protect Remus, he should not be hoping that now they were free of him Lyall spent all his time further researching his …_ condition _._

_Still, he couldn't help but miss his parents. Especially after the moon. Thinking about Lyall's strong arms carrying him from cellar to shower, and then to bed. Hope's kind voice singing Welsh songs to help him sleep when the nightmares came. Here, when the nightmares struck, he climbed out of the window and sat under the stars with Sirius. Sirius who never questioned him about it, just accepted that sometimes they both needed the space that could only be found in quiet companionship._

_Remus sniffed and groaned, pushing himself up with a wince. He could smell blood. Had he leaked through a bandage? Maybe the climb up the stairs reopened one of the wounds. Madam Pomfrey hadn't wanted him to leave the Hospital Wing so soon, but he had insisted. He stood to start unbuttoning his shirt when it hit him. It wasn't his blood he could smell._

_Remus knew this instinctively. He couldn't have said exactly how, but the wolf in him definitely knew. That thought grossed him out, and he shoved it deep into the back of his head. The wolf that was barely below the surface now, eight hours after moon set. The wolf that propelled him towards the slightly ajar bathroom door. The scent was stronger here, as he slipped around it and stopped dead._

He started towards Sirius, careful not to slip on the ice. The moon had only been a few days ago, and honestly, he was still sore. A bright red flash short past him, and Lily leapt up the steps.

'Black? Are you not coming?'

She put a hand out to touch his arm and Remus leap forward, fighting the urge to yell, to stop her, memories bright in his mind.

_Sirius Black was sat on the bathroom counter, one leg dangling off the side, the other in front of him, knee bent. He was still wearing his white school shirt, but unusually, his sleeves were unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows. He had loosened his tie and undone the top button of his shirt. Normally Sirius was so impeccably dressed this would have been what surprised Remus, if it wasn't for Sirius' leg._

_Sirius' trousers were folded on the side, though he was still wearing boxers at least. Underneath his raised thigh was yesterday's copy of the Prophet, the headlines obscured by a puddle of blood. As he stared at it, a drop of thick black ink fell into the red, darkening it. Remus dragged his eyes up, past the blood-stained penknife – that damned silver knife Remus couldn't touch – and the rivulets of black and red making their way down Sirius' pale skin. Sirius was using the same wide cut quill he had made for the Halloween prank to coat the cuts in his flesh with ink. Remus' frozen brain noted, distantly, that it was a different bottle to the one Sirius used from writing and drawing._

_He blinked, mind starting to move again and carefully shut the bathroom door, taking a step into the room._

_'Sirius?' His voice sounded strange to his own ears, weirdly calm and quiet in the echoey space._

_There was no answer._

_Remus stepped forward again, 'Sirius, what are you doing?'_

_Sirius dipped the quill again, 'Working.'_

_There was a minute shake in his leg when he put the quill back to the open wound and Remus strode forward, fingers curling around Sirius' wrist to stop him._

_The temperature in the bathroom dropped so fast Remus was surprised he couldn't see his own breath. Or he would have been, if he wasn't distracted by the sudden sting in every part of his hand that touched Sirius' skin. He did not let go._

But he was too late. Lily's small hand laid gently on Sirius' upper arm. Remus staggered to a stop, holding his breath.

_Sirius spun to look at him, twisting, and Remus saw the gouged lines on his leg went all the way around his thigh in a complete ring._

_'What do you think you are doing, Lupin?'_

_'Stopping you from hurting yourself.' Remus was shocked, appalled even that Sirius had to ask._

_Sirius shook his wrist free of Remus' grasp, 'I do not recall asking for your opinion.'_

Sirius turned towards Lily with an aristocratically charming smile, 'If it please m'lady.' He swept her a bow, that made her laugh and bat at him. She took his proffered arm though when he straightened and lead him back down the steps, into the snow.

Remus couldn't help staring. Sirius caught his eye, and then firmly turned back to Lily.

'We don't really get snow like this in London.'

Remus bit his lip, worrying. Was Sirius in pain?

_Remus looked down at Sirius' leg, then his own – now pink tinged – hand, and back into Sirius' face. His eyes were like mercury, shining and bright._

_'What are you doing Sirius?' He asked again, softly._

_Sirius watched him for heartbeat, two, then something in the way he was holding himself relaxed, and he turned back to his leg, dipping the quill once more._

_'It's a new tattoo.' He shrugged, pressing the nib to the raw flesh again, 'I can't say I understand why you are so surprised. You've seen them before.'_

_Remus found himself shaking his head, 'I didn't…_ Coc y gath _Sirius, I thought you used magic or something. Not… this.'_

_Sirius snorted, 'I am using magic.' His voice was slightly strained, even though he was trying to hide it, 'Old magic, intention magic.'_

_Remus felt a little sick, not from the blood. He was used to blood. It was just, he had never seen quite so much of_ someone _else's blood before. It made him… hungry._

_He tried to think of something to say, something to do. Instead he asked, 'What does it say?'_

_'It's a bind rune.' The tremor in Sirius' voice faded as he spoke, as though calmly explaining a complex homework question, 'So it doesn't really say much.' He caught Remus' eye as he dipped the quill again and moved on to,_ thank Merlin _, the last one, 'The runes are Anglo-Saxon Furthorc, a variant of Norse Old Futhark runes.' He smiled, 'Though really these three are the same in both._ Īs _for ice,_ Eolhx _the elk, and_ Tīr _the reason I'm using Anglo Saxon, not Norse.'_

_In a strange, detached horror, Remus found himself drawn in, watching Sirius ink the spear shaped rune over and over, 'Why's that?'_

_'Oh, well it's the kenning –' He glanced at Remus, 'The meaning.'_

_'My father's Scottish. I know what ken means.'_

_'Pardon, yes of course.' Sirius put down his quill and reached behind him for roll of what looked very much like torn up shirt, 'The rune poem for_ Tīr _was more relevant to my needs.'_

_He slipped off the counter and began winding the bandage around the fresh tattoo. Remus was trying to think of what to say, when Sirius spoke. Reciting quietly, in a softly lilting accent not so far from Remus' own._

'Tir biþ tacna sum, healdeð tryƿa ƿel

ƿiþ æþelingas; a biþ on færylde

ofer nihta genipu, næfre sƿiceþ'

_He glanced up and caught Remus' eye again, with a small smile, 'Tir is a guiding star, well does it keep faith with princes; it is ever on its course over the mists of night, and never fails.'_

_He straightened up and reached for his trousers, Remus stepped back out of the way. More sharply than he perhaps should have done, and a line of fire traced across his ribs._

_'Sirius, doesn't it hurt?'_

_Sirius flashed him the devil may care grin that was starting to become his trademark, 'What in life does not? But where the greater malady is fixed the lesser is scarce felt.' He folded up the newspaper, so the blood didn't show and dropped it carefully in the bin. He gave Remus a nod and collected his quill and ink, disappearing back into the dorm room leaving Remus to ponder how it was the heir of House Black had just quoted Shakespeare._

Remus watched Sirius leap heroically in front of Lily, taking a well-aimed snowball from Marlene for her. The girls were cackling and attacked without warning. Remus found himself diving behind the thick trunk of a pine tree, evading Mary.

Sirius had made it to James' fort, the two of them yelling over the barricade about betrayal and shame. Remus caught Frank's eye, hiding behind the next tree. Vague gestures and exaggerated mouthing of a plan had them both rolling armfuls of snowballs. On Frank's count of three they both shot out.

'ARGHHHHHH!' Frank's war cry echoed across the grounds as they charged the girls.

Mary shrieked as Remus caught her shoulder with the one snowball, he threw that didn't go wide of its target. But then he tripped, falling face first into a snow drift and disappearing.

Remus shook his head, trying to dislodge the snow from his hair and ears. He felt hands catch him around the knees and pull him backwards out of the drift. Spluttering he rolled over to see Sirius crouching over him and grinning.

'Don't worry Rem, we came to rescue you.' Sirius grabbed his arm and pulled him up to a squat, 'James' retreat!' He yelled towards the other black-haired boy.

One of them, the idiots, had somehow produced a shield charm. And James was darting in and out behind it, launching snowballs at any flash of colour between the trees ahead of them. At Sirius' shout he spun and legged it back towards them, the two of them bodily dragging Remus back over the wall of the snow fort. He landed on Peter's head.

'Ammo at the ready Pete?' James shouted gleefully.

'Yup.' Peter beamed back, waving at piles of snowballs.

'Arm yourselves men.' Sirius commanded, 'Ready?'

'Fire at will!'


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So, as we head back to London for the holidays, heads up: All my usual Black Family warnings go in the next few chapters, child abuse, implied child abuse, mental health, alcohol, ableism, mental ill health discrimination, homophobia. It's Grimmauld Place, it's Christmas, and it will not be Merry. Strap in for some more wonderful examples of Walburga and Orion's excellent parenting /s

The last person Sirius expected to see waiting for him on Platform 9¾ was his father. He cut an impressive figure in his neat three-piece suit under open robes. He was speaking with Uncle Cygnus, and in the confusion of the platform Sirius took a moment to watch them. Orion was the taller, the tallest person in the family, and older by quite a bit. Uncle Cygnus had made a stupid mistake at a young age, and found himself out of school, married and with the infant Bellatrix to care for.

'That him?' Jim asked quietly.

'Yes, where are yours?'

Jimmy pointed down the platform to an elderly couple, peering around, looking for their errant son. The witch wore a bright purple and gold sari. They looked like happy people.

'Have a good Christmas.' James grinned, wrapping his arms around Sirius in a quick hug, 'See you in a few weeks!' He belted off down the platform.

Sirius turned, lifting his trunk to drag it towards his family. His eyes met hard steel, Orion had seen James, seen James hug him.

Orion strode forward, waving his wand and shrinking Sirius' trunk. Sirius carefully put it away in his pocket. He was pleased to discover that he had grown, measuring himself against his Father's arm.

Orion placed a hand on Sirius shoulder, 'Welcome back. How was the journey?'

'Fine. There was snow on the line in places, but we made the time up south of the Lake District. Have you been waiting long?

'Not very, and I was speaking with your uncle.' Orion gestured, and Sirius recognised the tiny spark in his father's eyes. Sirius let a ghost of a smirk cross his lips and Orion nodded, 'I thought perhaps you might like to walk? The evening is pleasant enough.'

Sirius managed to hold the grin off his face, they were still in public after all, 'Yes Father, I would enjoy that.'

Twenty whole minutes of just him and Orion, half an hour if they went slowly past Regents Canal. More importantly, Orion in something resembling a good mood. Sirius couldn't believe his luck.

Orion strode along York Way, robes fluttering at his ankles, though he moved slowly enough for Sirius to keep pace. For the first time Sirius wondered what the passing Muggles must have thought. He had dressed in his own clothes to come home, rather than risk wearing his Gryffindor tie. His hat and scarf had stayed in the dorm too, but he pulled the charmed gloves from his pocket and pulled them on.

Orion was watching him, 'They fit?'

'Yes, very well. Thank you.' Sirius smiled up to him, 'You were quite correct, Hogwarts is freezing.'

Orion gave him a small smile back, 'I'm glad they have been of use then.'

'What was Cygnus saying?' Not Uncle, never in private with Orion.

They crossed the bridge and turned back on themselves to reach the tow path.

'In between the vapid nonsense?' Orion rolled his eyes, smirking.

Sirius barked a laugh. This was the Father he missed, bright and witty and mischievous.

'Was there anything in between?'

'Ha. Not much. He wants a match for Narcissa, did you hear about Andromeda?'

Sirius cocked his head, 'No?' It wasn't even a lie, not really. He knew she had a plan to break her engagement, but not if anything had come of it. Everyone in the family knew Meda wanted to break the engagement.

'Oh, she didn't even have to work particularly hard at it.' Orion sighed and pulled a silver cigarette case from inside his robes. He glanced at Sirius, 'Not a word to your mother.' He lit one, and then, as a sort of reflex gesture offered one to Sirius. He took it.

Orion lit them both with a snap of his fingers, and Sirius had to hurry to inhale before it went out, 'Andromeda wrote her mother about the Rowle boy. Druella was thick enough to write back that she agreed he was a foul brute.'

Sirius could see where this was going, 'Oh Merlin…'

'Precisely.' Orion nodded, blowing a smoke ring across the water, 'And now the Rowles are in a foul temper and say they'll not marry any of theirs to any of ours. And thus, I must find a match for Narcissa with half the world laughing up their sleeves.'

'What about Andromeda?' Sirius couldn't help himself but ask.

Orion sent a second smoke ring swirling into the frosty air, 'She will have to wait. She is seventeen now, and I have my suspicions.'

Sirius kept his face carefully neutral, focusing on the hot smoke filling his lungs. Orion's cigarettes were quite different to Marlene's. He thought he probably preferred hers.

They walked in peaceful silence for a while, Sirius was glad Orion hadn't gone on or pushed him about Meda, but then, 'Who was the boy?'

Sirius didn't need to ask who he meant, 'James Potter. We share a dorm.'

'Ah. Fleamont's boy?'

'Yes.'

Orion considered this for a moment, 'Whom else?'

'Frank Longbottom, Harfang's nephew.' He supplied the relation automatically.

'Ah yes, Augusta's son. Good. Next?'

Sirius paused, and Orion arched an eyebrow at him.

'Yes, of course. Peter Pettigrew and…' He felt his throat closing up, and forced his face into a frown, 'Lupin. I can't remember his – '

'Lie better Sirius.' Orion's voice turned cold, and a sick feeling of dread filled him.

'Yes Father. Remus Lupin. He and Pettigrew are both Half-Bloods.'

Orion nodded smoothly, tension eking away slightly as he ground out the cigarette under his boot and they moved off the tow path, turning towards the house.

'I know Lyall Lupin, of course.' Orion continued conversationally, 'He works for the Ministry, Magical Creatures something of other. Pettigrew… it rings a bell, though not loudly.'

'Pettigrew doesn't really talk about his family.' Sirius offered.

'Mmm, perhaps you can find out. Half-Bloods have their uses.'

Sirius nodded as they walked into Grimmauld Place.

Orion spared him a single glance as they mounted the steps, Sirius couldn't read the emotions hidden deep behind the steel in his father's eyes. They said nothing more and Orion pushed open the door, striding in and leaving Sirius to follow.

* * *

 _He_ was home. There could be no doubting it. The front door had opened, and shut, and Papa's steps had disappeared into the drawing room. After that, there was complete silence on the stairs. The kind of silence only Sirius could achieve.

Regulus glanced at his reflection one more time. He'd been ready for dinner for over half an hour. When Papa should have apparated Sirius home. Half an hour meant they walked. He smoothed imaginary wrinkles from his slate grey robes. Would Sirius have grown? He knew he had, but what about his brother?

He turned towards the door, just in time to hear Sirius ease down the handle on his own, the tiniest click letting Regulus know he was there.

He made himself walk, sensibly, to the door. Sirius was at school now, he wouldn't appreciate his younger brother throwing himself at him like a baby.

Except…

Regulus froze as his own door swung inwards.

Sirius stood in the doorway, neat as a pin in black suit and tie. He was definitely taller, Regulus hadn't managed to close the gap between them at all. His hair was a little longer too, he left it loose.

 _He_ shut the door behind him, and then the straight family face disappeared. Sirius grinned, hot, and bright like his star and opened his arms.

Regulus nearly tripped on his robes, flinging himself across the last few steps and into Sirius' chest.

' _I missed you._ ' He hissed into his shirt.

'I missed you too, every day.' Sirius held him tight, 'Are you well?'

Regulus nodded, 'Yes. Are you?'

Sirius gently peeled him away to gaze into his face, liquid silver eyes searching, 'I'm fine. How has she been?'

Regulus didn't let his expression flicker, 'Well, for the most part. _He_ has been away a lot.'

'Mmm,' Sirius hummed, something flickering across his face, 'I got that feeling from his letters.'

'He writes you?' Regulus kept his tone pleasant and was shocked when Sirius laughed.

'Don't try it on with me.' Sirius turned towards the door, waving Regulus after him, 'Come on, you can help me get ready. When's dinner?'

Regulus kept his eyes on Sirius, not Sirius' great carved bed, the place where he had crept to sleep in the darkest nights when all he could do was stare at the canopy and let the tears fall silently.

Sirius pulled a little wooden box from his pocket, and his wand. He tapped the box and muttered ' _Finite_.' Then very quickly put the box down as it sprung back to being his full-size trunk.

He grinned over his shoulder, 'Can you pick me something Reg? What's in vogue with _her_ right now?'

Regulus swung open Sirius' wardrobe and considered his options, 'Some of these will be too small now.'

'Put them to one end and I'll have a look tomorrow.' Sirius folded his jacket carefully on the bed and pulled off the black tie.

'Don't you have a school tie?' Regulus asked.

Sirius clicked his tongue, 'I have three, but I thought kicking tonight of with red and gold fireworks might be a bit of a let-down for the rest of the holidays.'

'Oh. Right.'

Regulus made himself look busy while Sirius pulled his shirt off. He could see Sirius' reflection in the long mirror and habitually checked ribs, collar bones, sides and back, ticking them off in his head. It was almost strange to see Sirius blemish free, and Regulus smiled to himself as he pulled a set of midnight blue robes out, at least he didn't have to ask Kreacher to steal any healing supplies tonight.

'Here, you should wear these. The colour always looks good on you.'

Sirius grinned back, 'Ta Reg.'

He pulled the robes over his head, before shimmying out of his trousers, 'How long did you say we've got?'

'Um… I didn't.'

Sirius gave him a quizzical look as he stepped in front of the mirror. Regulus habitually grabbed the silver backed brush from the dresser and handed it to him.

'Thanks. What do you mean?'

'I didn't say. Because we're to go to the drawing room as soon as you're dressed.'

Sirius reached for a velvet hair tie, knotting his hair back from his face.

'But Father is in there. Is he not changing?'

'That wasn't the plan.'

Sirius nodded, 'Right. That's not at all ominous.'

'Uncle Alphard is still here.' He offered hopefully. Sirius' mood was always better around their uncle, and Papa tolerated him more than most of their family. Mama on the other hand… Regulus gave himself a tiny shake, everything would be fine.

Sirius held open the bedroom door, 'Come on, let's not keep the gentlemen waiting.' And Regulus obediently followed his brother down the stairs.

* * *

Orion and Alphard were sitting in the wing backed chairs by the fire, each holding a glass of something.

Sirius squared his shoulders and strode in, 'Father, Uncle.' He nodded to each man in turn, aware of Regulus at his shoulder.

Alphard stood, 'Ah, Sirius. Good to see you.' Under Orion's watchful eye, he held out a hand to shake, rather than hugging Sirius as he might do in private. 'How is Hogwarts treating you?'

Sirius smiled, 'Well. If cold, as I was saying to Father.'

His uncle shivered, 'Urgh, yes. I remember the early mornings, and never wanting to put my feet out of bed.'

Orion glanced at Regulus, 'Is your mother down?'

'No Papa, not yet.'

Orion rose smoothly, 'Excuse me a moment then.'

'Orion there is no need…' Sirius thought he caught some emotion in Alphard's tone, almost as though he were asking his father for something.

'There is every need, Alphard.' Regulus and Sirius both became extremely interested in the fireplace and holding very still, their father's tone could have cut diamond, 'Our son is home for Yule. She will come down to dinner.'

He strode off and all three Black men remaining listened to his tread on the stairs. Alphard looked from one boy to the other with a face that plainly said – well, this will be a disaster – and folded back into the chair.

'Sirius, fill up your father's whisky glass, Regulus tell the elf we'll be eating in – ' He paused at the sound of a door slamming above them, '– Around ten minutes.'

Regulus disappeared through the door, no doubt to hide with Kreacher for at least four of those minutes.

Alphard was watching Sirius pour. He knew the decanter and the exact measure to pour, about one and a third.

'You might as well get your mother's brandy ready.' Alphard's voice was steady, 'You can have what I'm having.'

Sirius glanced over his shoulder, 'I'm not normally allowed. Not when…' He let the sentence trail away.

'Gods Sirius, no one should have to be sober at dinner with your parents if they don't have to be. You are twelve now, even the Muggles would allow you wine with dinner and their laws are draconian. Besides, in less than a year the family considers you a man.'

Sirius grinned, 'Then what am I having?'

'A _blanc-cassis_. If your mother asks it's just a little watered wine, a special Yule treat.'

Sirius shrugged and poured himself a half glass, mixing the white wine and blackcurrant liqueur carefully. He came and sat on the arm of his father's chair.

'Reg seems nervous, has it been bad?'

Alphard gave a tiny derisive snort, 'That really should not be the first thing you ask when you come home from school.'

'Never-the-less, you've stayed since Regulus wrote me?'

'I arrived just before Samhain, yes. Your father wrote my father, who in turn summoned me.'

Sirius shook his head, even he knew this constant merry-go-round was ridiculous, 'And Reg? He's still…' He trailed off, not knowing what word he meant.

'She doesn't seem to have any trouble remembering who he is, no.'

Sirius nodded. He knew that his mother confused him with his father, and that was most often why she became… distressed. He didn't know why she was like this. But then again, no one seemed to.

He opened his mouth to form the question when above them their heard his mother's door open again.

'Ah, here we go.' Alphard drained his glass and stood to pour another.

He had just finished when the drawing room door swung open, framing Walburga Black.

She wore stunning emerald green robes, cut, and corseted to flatter. Her hair was piled up on top of her head, the odd curl tumbling down. Emerald and diamond pins held the rest in place.

She had lost weight, Sirius spotted that first. Her cheekbones seemed sharp enough to cut through her skin. He wondered if Regulus had tried to take food to her or sat with her while the elf convinced her to eat. If Alphard knew that when she took to her room for days on end you had to go in or she wouldn't eat a bite. Even if that meant broken ribs and hex burns, it meant she would be well.

He slid off the arm of the chair and gave her a curt nod, 'Mother, it is a pleasure to see you.'

She swept towards him and he held perfectly still. Eyes locked straight ahead. She stopped directly in front of him and touched his left cheek gently with the palm of her hand.

'My son.'

Sirius smiled then, letting his eyes meet hers, 'Hello. How are you? Would you care for a brandy?'

She threw her head back and laughed, 'Listen to him, Alphard. So grown up.'

'I can see that.' Alphard smiled too, as though his sister's unexpected, good mood was a pleasant surprise.

She let go of Sirius and let him get her drink from the side. She spotted the wine glass in Sirius' own hand and narrowed her eyes playfully at him, 'Shall I pretend I cannot see that?'

'If you could, yes.'

That made her laugh again.

She took Sirius' arm – even though he was still a little short for it to be flawless – when they went through to dinner. They made it all the way to dessert, with what could have been considered a normal, amicable, family dinner. Orion was in the middle of a story from his own time at Hogwarts,

'– well that was after you had left of course, Alphard. But I'm standing there, beaters bat in one hand and Horace couldn't see it so I – '

'You.'

Everyone apart from Orion froze, he turned to look at his wife, seated at the far end of the table. Sirius couldn't bring himself to do the same. That word, said in that way, could only ever mean his father or himself.

'What? Dear.' Orion's tone was cold, hard, and worse, entertained.

Sirius raised his eyes, not to Regulus, but with Alphard sitting next to his brother. He willed his uncle to understand, to get Regulus out of the room before furniture started flying. Normally he trusted Kreacher to do it, but the elf was in the kitchen preparing the cheese.

'You missed out a part of the story.' Her voice twisted now, sharp and wicked, 'The reason why you were in that corridor, at that time. Don't you think everyone should know.'

'Still your tongue, you were not there, and you are drunk.'

'No, but others were.' She ignored the barb. Sirius dared a glance at her, her wand was in her hand, twirling through her fingers and with a sick jolt Sirius realised it was a tic he had developed too.

'Enough. Go to bed.'

'I will not.' Walburga's voice jumped up half an octave and Alphard still hadn't taken Regulus away.

Sirius stood, pushing his chair back firmly, 'I believe Regulus and I are finished, Mother. Why don't the three of us retire to the drawing room.' He held out his hand to her, it wasn't a question.

She turned, lazily, to look at him as he stood at the arm of her chair.

'Do not think I do not know you are following in _his_ footsteps.'

Sirius shook his head, 'Please Mother. Just the three of us, we can leave the men here.'

She laughed then, and there was a bubbling madness in that turned Sirius' marrow to ice, 'They are not men!' She curled her lip, 'And neither are you, _blood traitor_.'

He saw her wand move and stepped smartly back. He had never heard this spell before, his mind informed him, as she hissed the word, ' _Crucio_!'


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Remus really didn't enjoy Side Along Apparition, but after the awfully long train ride from Scotland, he was glad they didn't have to drive in the dark from London back to Wales.

It was also very nice to be going back to the same house again. He'd become so used to moving every few months or so, whenever anyone started to get too suspicious about the pale boy who never went to school, or the odd noises that came from their house once a month, every month. Now, Rowan Cottage in Llanddeusant, Carmarthenshire was starting to feel like home. They'd moved in just over a year ago, and Remus couldn't remember the last time they had two Christmases in the same house.

They appeared at the end of the garden path and Lyall nodded towards the cottage, 'Go on lad, your Ma's in the kitchen.'

Remus took off, skirting the grey stone house, and his mother's well-tended herb beds, and shot around the back to lift the heavy iron latch on the split farmhouse door. No one in the Welsh countryside used the front door.

Hope Lupin stood at the stove, the glorious smell of her _cawl_ in the air. She turned when the door opened and beamed, opening her arms to him.

' _O Remus cariad!_ How are you?'

He barrelled into her, breathing in the reassuring smells of baking, herbs and wool that made him feel like home.

'Oooft, they're certainly feeding you well.' She laughed, and untangled him, 'Let me look at you.'

He obediently stood back, 'You've grown I swear, we'll measure you.'

Lyall stumped in, 'Aye, I reckon he'll be above you afore the year is done.'

'That's enough out of you, you daft _cawr_.'

Remus grinned, she called his Da a giant all the time, but Remus had never considered that he might also be called it. He had always been skinny and small, even though both of his parents were talk compared to most people they knew.

Hope gave him a little push, 'Go up and wash _cariad_ , tea'll be on the table when you're done.'

* * *

James' first dinner at home of the holidays was a special occasion.

The house elves had been given the evening off, and Euphemia even let James help make the chapatis. Fleamont sat at the vast kitchen table while they cooked and listen to James chat merrily away about school and new friends.

James rescued the last chapati from the fire, 'Why don't we celebrate Yule?'

Fleamont and Euphemia exchanged a look, but not fast enough that he didn't see.

'It's not really our custom.' His mother tried.

James folded his arms and nodded at his father, 'The Potters are British.'

'Well yes mate,' Fleamont acknowledged, 'But we're not that sort of family.'

'What sort of family?'

Fleamont cleared his throat, 'It's a bit old fashioned, that's all.'

'Sirius' family do it.' James pushed.

'Oh, well, yes… _they_ would.' Euphemia couldn't keep the distaste from her voice.

'What does that mean?' James spun to face her.

She leant against the worktop, folding her arms over her pinny, 'Some pureblood families think that celebrations like Christmas, that have become a bit more secular, are proof of Muggle culture invading the Wizarding World. As a result, they stick to the old ways, even if their families weren't even here when those practices were last widespread.'

'Sirius said it's just like Christmas, but less tinsel.'

His parents shared another quick glance, 'That's about the long and the short of it.'

Euphemia smiled, 'I think there is still mistletoe.'

James pulled a face as his father twirled his mother under the nearest branch of the stuff.

* * *

Sirius slowly blinked, it was dark in his room with no moon outside. A single candle burnt almost the whole way down on his window ledge offered a guttering glow and filled the room with the perfume of beeswax.

He drew in a shuddering breath, taking in the dark figure leaning against the windowsill.

'Uncle?' His throat felt raw.

Alphard glanced over his shoulder, then looked back out the window, 'I wondered if you would wake before you disappeared.'

Sirius pushed himself up on one elbow, he felt shaky and hot-cold like he had the flu, and it took a moment to decode his uncle's meaning, 'We're both up?'

'Yes.'

He frowned, trying to remember, and calculating even with his spinning head, 'Three o'clock?'

'Close enough as makes no difference. Has she done that before?'

Sirius managed to swing his legs off the bed, 'Why didn't you get him out? Why did you let Regulus see – '

Alphard interrupted, 'I apparated him out before the curse hit you. When did you start managing her like that?'

Sirius shrugged fluidly, or tried to, a tremor got in the way, jolting him, and ruining the effect, 'About… four years ago. Since _he_ started staying away longer.'

'Now answer the first question.'

'No. It was the Cruciatus?'

Sirius staggered slightly as he approached his uncle, and Alphard moved fractionally as though he thought Sirius might fall. He turned it into a sidestep to let Sirius closer to the window.

'Yes. You've read about it?'

'Of course. Is Reg alright?'

'He was very concerned, I had to promise to watch over you.'

They were silent for a long time, 'Was it because of _him_ , me or my being in Gryffindor?'

Alphard sighed, still staring out across the night darkened skies of London, 'I am not my sister's keeper Sirius, I cannot fathom the depths of her illness.'

'I should not be her keeper either.' He snapped.

Alphard twisted and raised an eyebrow, 'No, that is true.' He turned back to the stars, 'She was always… sensitive. Then when they got married things became more difficult.'

'Why?'

'They are a bad match.' Alphard's tone told him that would be as far as that line of enquiry was allowed to go, 'And you rise to her bait.'

'You are blaming me?' Sirius was shocked and stepped back, away from his uncle. He was always blamed for it, but Alphard had been the reasonable family member for so long Sirius couldn't quite believe it.

'Oh Sirius, calm yourself,' Alphard sighed again, 'This entire family's tempers hang by a thread, yours included.'

He sat on his bed, rubbing his face with his hands, something Orion would have hexed him for.

'It is not your fault. Not the sorting either, as I hoped you might have gathered from the way your father is being so very calm.'

'He's only calm because he thinks I can make useful allies.'

Alphard turned, leaning against the window ledge, and folding his arms in the gathering dark, 'He is not wrong. You could make friends in immensely helpful places.'

Sirius rolled his eyes, 'Can they not just be friends?'

'Not for the heir of House Black, no.' Alphard shook his head, 'Get some sleep Sirius. I will see you at breakfast.'

'Good night Uncle.'

' _Bonne nuit, mon petit Siri_.'

Sirius stood to undress and listened to his uncle's footsteps retreat down the stairs.

He was pulling on his warmest flannel pyjama bottoms when the handle of his bedroom door clicked down, 'Hey Reg,' He said softly.

Regulus clicked the door shut again behind him, and Sirius didn't turn around, finishing doing up the thick ties on his pyjamas. There was the soft noise of a small boy climbing onto a feather mattress and Sirius sat down himself. Finally, he rolled back and sideways, so he could see his brother.

Regulus face was pale in the dark room, 'Are you well?'

'I'm fine.' Sirius even thought he managed to sound it.

'Can I… um…'

Sirius reached out and lightly tapped his wrist, 'You are a Black, don't um.'

'Sorry.'

'Don't apologise either.'

'Oh, yes.' Regulus half smiled, 'I'm not as good as you are.'

'You'll get there.' Sirius pushed back the emerald green blanket and charcoal sheets, 'Are you getting in?'

Regulus' face lit up and he snuggled down, pointy little shoulder blades digging into Sirius' chest. His hair was shorter than Sirius' and it tickled his nose as he wrapped his arms around his baby brother. Regulus felt light and fragile like a bird, and Sirius could feel his flighty heart steadying, slowing as he finally felt safe.

Sirius dropped a kiss on top of his head, 'Sleep. _Va dormir_ _mon cher_ , _tu es en sécurité avec moi_.'

He didn't care if the entire family came screaming through the door wands raised, no one would lay a finger on his brother.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: smoking, drinking, hunting. Beware. The Black family are weird as always.

Sunset. Tuesday 21st December 1971.

Sirius stood, naked to the waist and freezing, in the ancient great hall. Blæcmor House was the oldest seat of the Noble House of Black, rarely lived in now, used only for these… ceremonies.

Each man of the family took his turn to step forward, marked on the face and chest with the stuff in the bowl his father held. Even Alphard allowed it, and Sirius couldn't see a way to get out of it. The fire behind Orion, in the vast fireplace had been allowed to dim to embers, the fire of the year gone. It was the ashes from this fire that went into the beaten copper bowl. He was the youngest, he went last.

Sirius willed his legs to move and his stomach not to growl, fasting had begun at sundown yesterday. Orion loomed over his son, his eyes flashing in the dim light. Sirius could read that look, it was what passed for compassion in this family.

Sirius took the final step, standing bold and sure before his father.

Orion dipped his hand into the bowl one last time. His fingers dark with this stuff, he painted the two stars and sword on his heir's chest and belly. Sirius curbed the urge to curl his lip at the smell. Blood mixed with ashes and who knew what herbs was pungent and unpleasant. It was cold against his skin too.

Orion dipped his hand one last time and Sirius held his breath, shutting his eyes out of common sense. There would be no washing his father's handprint from his face until the day after the solstice.

It was sticky and cold and awful. But then it was done.

'We, House Black, as once again bound together by blood and ash. As it should always be.' Orion's voice rang against the oak rafters of the hall, the village beyond the forest was in the Muggle Doomsday Book, the family's magic meant the wood and stone of the hall were original.

' _Toujours pur_.' The men of the family echoed back.

They stepped back, lining the shadows of the hall, and in their place the witches of the family surrounded his mother. Even discounting the women who had married in – his grandmothers, Aunt Druella – they outnumbered the men. Though his married aunts were not permitted to bring their husbands, anyone born a Black was always a Black in every way that mattered.

Unless you were blasted off the tree.

In Brighton, Peter was watching Jackanory. His sister was complaining and wanted to listen to the radio instead, but Peter though the reader was pretty and argued that he should be allowed to watch all fifteen minutes of it.

As a result, Leah was doing her Beauxbatons homework lying on her front and occasionally muttering swear words in French under her breath. Peter knew they were swears because Sirius used them too, and James said Sirius spoke French almost better than he spoke English.

When Jackanory was finished, he would borrow his father's owl and write to Sirius to ask from some good things to call his sister. And find out what she was calling him.

Sirius' breath hung in the air before him, and the leaf mulch beneath his bare feet felt like ice.

It was full dark in the forest now, and if pressed he would say it was around nine o'clock. Which meant he had been wandering for around five hours. That probably explained why he wasn't paying much attention as he turned around a fallen tree, where it's broad trunk still leant against a standing fellow, like a man stumbling home after too good a night.

'Hello Sirius.'

He leapt out of his skin, catching his foot, and sending himself face first into the ground. He stared around blindly, trying to lift himself when where he sprawled on the floor, dirt and leaves clinging to the icy sweat that drenched him, keeping the blood-ash paint wet.

Alphard was leaning against the fallen tree, seemingly indifferent to the freezing night air on his own painted chest. A tiny ball of white-green mage light hung in the air near him and illuminated the droll smile on his face. He did not move to catch Sirius, nor to help him up. He simply watched, waiting.

Sirius, shivering hard now, pulled himself up to stand, bending forward to rest his hands on his knees to try and gain control of his racing breath. He lifted one hand to make a curious gesture at his uncle.

'Oh, no. I'm not taking part.' He waved a half-smoked cigarette at Sirius as evidence.

Reaching into a pocket Alphard produced a leather-wrapped, silver hipflask. Without moving closer to Sirius, he held it out, 'Here.'

Sirius took it, unquestioningly, and gulped down three quick mouthfuls. It made his throat burn and he coughed hard and slunk to his uncle's side to return it.

'It will help with the cold.'

'How close are they?'

Alphard considered it, 'I think they'll be done soon.' He took a long drag.

Sirius sighed, 'Why don't you hunt?'

'Why don't you?' Alphard countered.

Sirius smiled, 'I don't think twenty witches and wizards running through a forest at night after demons is particularly dignified.'

Alphard chuckled, 'Agreed.' He flicked his cigarette butt and vanished it mid air with a snap of his fingers, 'Would you like to visit me for Easter?'

Sirius cocked his head, 'Instead?'

'Yes.'

'What about Regulus?'

Alphard shook his head with a smile, 'How strange it is, that you should be so close. Yes, I can arrange for him to come as well.'

'Then yes, please.'

'I will have you mucking out stables, I hope you realise that.'

Sirius laughed, 'Even better.'

Alphard clapped him on the shoulder, 'Come. We'll go to the stones and beat them all.'

Guided by his uncle's mage light, the two of them silently slipped between the trees, deeper into the forest.

Lily was happily curled up in the big armchair in the lounge with a mug of her dad's famous hot chocolate balanced on her knee, and her well read copy of Gulliver's Travels. Hogwarts was amazing, but it was nice to be home and relaxed.

She just managed to rescue the hot chocolate from flying everywhere when a blood curdling scream for upstairs made her jump out of her chair.

' _Lily Evans! What the hell is this?!'_

Lily sighed, rubbing at her chest to calm her pounding heart. Her dad looked up from the settee, where he was doing the crossword, 'You'd better go see what's wrong love.'

Lily dragged herself to the stairs and shouted up them, 'What Tunie?'

Petunia appeared at the top of the stairs, wrapped in a towel, and looking murderous, 'What is this?' She demanded.

Lily loped up the stairs and followed her sister to the bathroom. The sink was full of frogspawn.

She stared for a moment, and then slumped against the doorframe, one hand pressed to her mouth to stifle the giggles.

'This isn't funny!' Petunia spun and yelled down the stairs, 'Dad! Dad, Lily is being awful!' She wheeled on Lily, 'What did you do?'

'Nothing.' Lily was properly laughing now, 'Someone must have swapped it out.'

'What? What do you mean?'

'It's frogspawn soap.' Then she frowned, 'Why were you using my soap?'

'Ew, why haven't you used yours? You've been home for days!'

Lily pointed to her pink soap in the soap dish, 'Because I had that one left. You went in my trunk and took that.'

'Well, I … you shouldn't have disgusting things like that.'

Lily put her hands on her hips, 'You shouldn't be snooping in my things!'

'I was not!'

'You clearly were.'

Lily stormed out of the bathroom and into her bedroom, throwing open her trunk it was very clear someone had rummaged through it.

'How dare you Petunia?' Lily slammed the door and threw herself down on the bed. Petunia had been so angry and difficult since Lily was invited to Hogwarts, and it was really starting to upset her.

It had taken Sirius six attempts, but he had finally got the trick of creating a magical spark and used his newfound ability to light the fire Alphard built in the centre of the ring of stones.

The stone circle had stood on the barrow at the heart of Blackmoor Forest for thousands of years. The Black family had used them for their rituals and ceremonies for longer than the family kept records, and so it was here the hunt would end.

Soon enough, there were three nogtails speared and crackling above the fire. Magic turned them slowly, though the meat would not be ready until dawn, when they could finally break their fast.

Not that Sirius really wanted to eat spit roasted pig demon. In fact, he was staying back from the fire, despite the chill of the night.

The elves had brought furs and cloaks, and he took his and leant back against one of the great stones, tilting his head back to watch the stars wheel above him.

A figure stepped lightly over the mossy ground towards him and flopped down next to him.

'You didn't hunt.'

'Nice to see you too Meda.'

She dug him lightly in the ribs with her elbow, 'Brat.'

'Princess.'

She stuck her tongue out at him from under her heavy hood, 'How's it going at Black headquarters?'

'Mmm, Uncle Alphard is staying so a bit better.'

'Good.'

'Why?'

'Because Mother reckoned you were for it, after the sorting.'

Sirius chucked mirthlessly, 'Not yet.'

'Just be careful little cuz.'

Sirius checked no one was watching, then snuck a hand out to squeeze her arm gently, 'You too. Father told me.'

'Yes, I'm off the table.'

'What's happening with Narcissa?'

She shrugged, 'Not sure yet, I think you and I will no more when we get back to Hogwarts?'

'Why's that?'

'You'll see.'

'Sirius!' Walburga snapped from near the fire, 'Come here. Now.'

He sighed and pulled himself to his feet, trudging to his mother's side and restoring his neutral mask, 'Mother.'

Her fingers wrapped around his wrist like icy claws, and he suspected that was the end of his freedom for the holiday.


	19. Chapter 19

**Christmas Eve, 1971**

'Remus! Remus, come quick!'

Remus dropped War and Peace onto his duvet and shot out of his room, Hope shouting in English meant trouble. The kind of trouble where there wasn't time for anyone to be confused about language.

He careened down the stairs, wand in hand. He was trying to remember everything Sirius had taught them about defensive magic, but most of that was actually offensive magic. Panicked thoughts ran through his head, _had someone been watching the house? How else would they know Lyall was away on work?_ He skidded around the bottom of the stairs and pelted into the kitchen.

He stopped, stock still, in the kitchen doorway.

On the table, next to the Christmas cake – that was technically just a large _Bara Brith_ that she'd iced and added brandy to – was a very concussed looking owl.

'Oh Remus, the poor thing. He flew straight into the window.' Hope pointed, and there was indeed a very snowy owl print on the glass, 'I don't know what to do for him.'

Remus lowered his wand and came in, 'Her, Mam. Her name is Kallisto.'

At the sound of her name, Kallisto shook herself a bit and fluttered to her feet from where she had been lying. Remus tried to softly imitate Sirius' whistle and she hopped a little closer to him.

'She likes you, beautiful girl.' Hope smiled, 'Do you think she'll eat Welsh cake? I've got some here.'

Remus shrugged, 'I don't know. We've only met once before.'

Kallisto held out her leg to Remus, wobbling slightly and Remus spotted the letter which he quickly untied, 'Thanks Kallisto.'

'Well, she can't go anywhere in this blizzard.' Hope brought over a broken-up Welsh cake and a cup of water, 'And I think we should ask Dadi to look at her too, when he gets in.'

'I didn't think he _did_ owls?'

Hope tutted, 'Well, it's Christmas. Take her to the dining room then you can open your letter.'

Remus held out his arm to Kallisto, who hopped on with a deeply suspicious look in her yellow eyes.

'It's alright, we aren't going to eat you.' He reassured her quietly, 'We don't actually have a dining room anymore. Now it's where Dadi has his office that isn't the shed.'

He helped her into a cage that had, until two days ago, held a local women's pet Jobberknoll that had gone of its food. Kallisto immediately puffed herself up and started preening her feathers.

Back in the kitchen, Hope was dipping Lebkuchen in icing.

'Your friend has lovely handwriting.'

Remus glared at the letter, expecting Sirius' beautiful calligraphy, but then his glared turned into a frown.

The handwriting was good, much better than any twelve-year-old boy's had any right to be, but it wasn't Sirius'.

He grabbed the heavy parchment and turned it over, the wax seal was backwards, so it had definitely been pressed with Sirius' signet ring. Remus shuddered thinking about the blasted silver ring. He gently prized the wax off and began to read.

_Dear Remus,_

_How are you? How's Wales? Is it snowing? London is grey and raining as always._

_It's Christmas Eve, have you been to the Church yet? If so, what was it like? I have been trying to explain to Regulus but we both think I might have got some of the details a little confused (the magic star dragging the kings?)_

_It's the fifth night of Yule here, so we're having a big family dinner again, Regulus hopes our Grandfather's will bring gifts. I suspect books, but we may be surprised._

_Kallisto has been a little under the weather, and I would be incredibly grateful if your father would take a look at her, even if it takes him two or three days. I am sure he is very busy._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Sirius O. Black_

_PS. Don't mind the handwriting, Regulus is scribing for me. He is dreadfully slow and needs the practice before school in September. SB._

Remus read the letter three times, and then put it down on the table. Hope was watching his face, with a look that he had seen her direct at his father. Normally when they had to move house again.

'Remus, you've gone white as a sheet.'

Her voice too, like she was preparing for one of Lyall's explosions of temper. A little voice inside his head reminded Remus, almost absently, that there was still a week until the moon and he was barely feeling the pull of it yet.

'Mam, I need to…' His voice trailed off. How could he tell her? Sirius would be mortified, or worse, would never speak to Remus again. But Remus knew. He knew this was all wrong.

Hope came and sat next to him, 'Is it bad?'

He nodded slowly.

'What are you afraid of?' She was calm and direct.

'That if I tell you, he won't be my friend anymore.'

'Aye, I see that would be a shame. But how would he know you told me?'

Remus considered this, 'What if you decided you had to do something about it?'

Hope half smiled, 'Well, to start with, I'm a Muggle so there's very little I can do in your world. And if I could do something about it, I would talk to you and your Tad first.'

Remus had never been given the impression that his parents would lie to him. Or that they would dismiss his concerns and opinions just because he was a child. He came to a decision.

'My friend,' He gestured at the letter, 'Sirius. I think he's hurt.' Remus sighed, 'He says his brother is scribing for him, for the practice. But Sirius is really private, and his family are really strange. I don't know why he would let Regulus write if he could himself. And…' He took a shaky breath, 'They've hurt him before.'

The front door opened and shut, making Remus jump.

'Hello!' Lyall called, stomping snow from his boots, 'Where are we?'

'Kitchen, _cariad_.' Hope called back.

He came in, hazel eyes sweeping the scene, 'What's happened?'

'Remus' friend wrote to him, Remus is worried he has been hurt.'

Lyall sat down, frowning, 'Which friend?'

Remus nodded at the letter, 'Sirius. Sirius Black.'

Lyall rubbed at his eyes and the bridge of his nose, 'How bad is it?'

Hope looked shocked, 'Lyall. What is that supposed to mean?'

'How bad is it already?' Lyall opened his eyes, looking at only Remus.

'They terrify him.' Remus felt the words come tumbling out, 'He uses magic to try and protect himself, has done since he was little. She sent him hexed letters when he got sorted into Gryffindor.'

Lyall nodded slowly, 'What does his letter say?'

'That Regulus is having to write for him, and can we keep his owl here for a few days. Oh, and that it's the fifth day of Yule?'

Lyall shook his head, 'Hope, can ye get the _uisga-beatha_?'

Hope got up, ' _Dau neu dri_?'

' _Tr_ _ì_ _, taing_. Remus can have a wee dram.'

Remus looked up surprised, 'I can?'

'It's Christmas Eve, I dunnae ken why ye shouldn't.'

Hope poured them each a dram of the good whisky that Lyall kept at the back of their pantry, Remus' was slightly smaller than theirs, but he didn't mind.

Hope looked at her husband, 'Remus is worried we would want to do something. You don't seem surprised at all. What's happening?'

'I was in the same year as Sirius' father, Orion. His mother and uncle were at Hogwarts with us too.' Lyall held up his glass, ' _Sl_ _à_ _inte mhath_!'

' _Iechyd da_!' Remus and Hope chorused back.

'The Blacks are…' Lyall sipped his whisky and searched for the word, 'Old fashioned. Obsessed with blood purity and being proper nobility.' He rolled his eyes at Hope, 'Any deviation from the rule is met with swift punishment.'

Lyall put down his glass, 'We'll take care o' the owl. Where is she?'

'In the dining room,' Hope said, 'She hit the window.'

He stood, 'I'll check in on her afore dinner then.' Lyall stopped in the doorway, 'Be careful of Sirius. He'll either be broken in spirit to conform, or it'll get worse.'

Remus looked at Hope, 'Mam, can we go to Midnight Mass please?'

'Of course, _cariad_. Your Dadi can take us down later.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language notes: uisge-beatha (ooh-sh-cah bay-hah) is Scottish Gaelic for whisky, it's where the word whisky comes from and it means Water of Life. Slàinte mhath (slan-juh vah) and Iechyd da (yah-key dah) are Gaelic and Welsh respectively for cheers/good health.


	20. Chapter 20

**Monday 3rd January 1972, Hogwarts Express**

Sirius was late.

James bounced up and down on his seat in the Hogwarts Express compartment, checking his watch every twenty-three seconds. It was three minutes to eleven. On the seats opposite Remus was pretending to read, but his eyes weren't moving, and Peter was chewing his lip.

'Doesn't he live near here?' James asked.

Remus looked up, 'I think so.'

'Then how is he so –'

'There!' Peter jumped up, 'He's there!'

James checked his watch, one minute to eleven. He turned to stare out of the window as a dark-haired shape peeled away from the crowd of parents around the train and leapt into the carriage two doors down from them, pushing a trunk in before him.

James leapt to the compartment door and slid it open, sticking his head into the chaos beyond of pushing bodies.

'Sirius! Mate, we're here!' James yelled in the direction Sirius must be.

'James?' Sirius' voice cut over the shouts of other students and he squeezed through a tiny gap between a group of fourth years and the wall, dragging the trunk and nearly taking two of them out with it.

James grabbed the handle with Sirius and the two of them hefted it into the compartment and into the luggage rack. Sirius slammed the door shut and leant against it, pushing a hand through his hair. His wand-hand. Wrapped in bandages from his fingertips down, disappearing under his sleeve. Each finger was individually wrapped, and it looked stiff to use. James fought the urge to grab it and demand an explanation.

Sirius' eyes alighted on the owl cage above where Remus sat, 'Kallisto,' He grinned, 'Thank you Remus.'

James moved over so Sirius could sit on the seat next to him as the train started to move, and finally things could be normal.

Sirius looked around at them, 'So, how was Christmas?'

Peter brightened up, 'Oh, Sirius. You speak French, right?'

' _Oui, naturellement_.'

Peter dug around in his pockets, finally producing a torn piece of what looked like a Christmas cracker cardboard.

'My sister is at Beauxbatons – '

Sirius flinched slightly at Peter's pronunciation and James kicked his ankle lightly, '– and she keeps calling me stuff in French. I wrote it down so you can tell me what she said.'

He held out the paper, and Sirius took it carefully.

'Pete, mate. None of this is French…'

'It is!'

Remus wordlessly held out his hand and Sirius passed him the scribbled words. He stared at the paper, then handed it back, 'It's phonetic Sirius, mostly.'

Sirius read the list, his mouth moving silently as he spelt the words out to himself. The air around him slowly started to warm up, James hadn't noticed how cold he had been. Sirius crumpled the list and dropped it.

' _Non_ , I'll just teach you all how to swear in French.'

* * *

It wasn't until they were brushing their teeth that James asked about his hand. Sirius had caught all three of them staring and ignored them. Frank had looked anywhere but Sirius' hand, which was not good either.

Sirius waited until the rest had all been through the bathroom, it was habit now, avoiding the others seeing his tattoos. He changed swiftly and then James reappeared, holding his toothbrush aloft as some kind of talisman.

'I forgot to brush.'

Sirius eyed him in the mirror and said nothing. He knew what was coming, so carefully started unravelling the bandages, trying to ignore the way James' brushing slowed. A day under healing creams and bandages had helped, but the idea of putting the cracked, raw skin under the water to clean it turned his stomach.

Sirius bit into his lip, tasting iron, and went through the motions to clean and dry the skin, James was watching open mouthed. It wasn't until Sirius was applying more cream from the little pot that James actually spoke.

'What happened?'

Sirius dabbed a little more cream on, 'Nothing.'

'Siri-mate, you hand looks like someone held it in fire.'

He considered his hand, 'No, that's more blistery, this is just… gross.'

'That's not what I meant. What happened Sirius?' James' voice had turned stern, surprising Sirius.

'It's a skin condition. Like the Muggle eczema. It cracks and weeps and is painful, but it will go away.'

James looked unconvinced.

Sirius tapped his hand with his wand, watching the bandages wrap tightly around the skin.

'Just… leave it James.'

* * *

By the end of February, Sirius and James had wracked up over twenty detentions, dragging Remus or Peter into at least half of them. The pranks seemed to come from James, but Sirius rose to every fight. Every hissed word or name called saw him drawing his wand. It was as though his temper had slipped whatever leash he had kept it on before, not that Lily was entirely certain he had been good at that anyway.

She had never seen him lose it with a fellow Gryffindor though, which was thought she clung to as she approached the moody twelve-year-old one evening in the Common Room. It was strange to see any of the First Year Gryffindor boys alone, but here he was, curled into Remus' usual spot on the window seat.

'Sirius, hey?'

He looked up, a frown knitting his brows together. When he saw her, he shut the leatherbound notebook in his lap and sat up a little straighter.

'Miss Evans, good evening.'

His constant formality made her giggle, 'How are you?'

He smiled, ' _Ç_ _a va bien_ , and you?'

'I'm good. Where are the boys?'

Something dark moved in the liquid silver of his eyes, but it was gone before she could be certain she had seen it.

'James and Peter have detention, Remus is unwell.'

'Again? He is really poorly, isn't he?'

'He can be,' Sirius frowned at her, 'But that isn't our business to talk about.'

Lily knew she had stepped across a line, Sirius was already getting a reputation for being protective over his friends.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. He's just nice, and it's sad he's sick.'

Sirius nodded tightly, lips pursed.

'I wanted to give you something.' She took a step closer.

'Oh?'

She held out the little white pot, like a treaty.

'I saw your hand in Potions, when you had to take the bandage off.'

He was very still now, watching her face and ignoring the pot.

'What of it?'

'It's a type of eczema, right? I get it too, but not as bad as that. I get it when I'm stressed…' She trailed off and gave him a tight little smile, 'Anyway, this cream really helps me, and I thought you might want to try it.'

Sirius melted, swinging his legs around to stand up, 'Thank you Mis – Lily. That's really kind of you.'

'Well, you came back from Christmas with it, didn't you? Two months is a long time to suffer with that.' She nodded to the thick bandaging.

'It's been this long before. It's better in the summer.'

'Can I have a look?'

The suspicious look returned to his face.

'My mum is a nurse, maybe I can help?'

He relaxed, 'Come up to the bathroom?'

She followed him up the spiral staircase to the boys' bathroom and watched him unravel the bandage. She saw the tiny tremor in his right hand, and the specks of blood from where his skin had split.

'Would you see Madam Pomfrey?'

Sirius shook his head slightly, 'It isn't worth bothering her over.'

She could see there wasn't any point in arguing with him.

'Give me you hand please Sirius.' Lily used her mum's no-nonsense work voice and was surprised when he complied.

It must have been sore, beyond sore, as he let her clean and dry and apply the cream. He didn't make a sound, even as she finished patting off the excess cream. She watched the way he held his breath, and how his pupils dilated, but he didn't move or make a sound.

'If you can leave it uncovered it'll help. Even if it's just a night, but the air will help.'

He caught her hand, with his uninjured one, and squeezed her fingers gently, 'You have my thanks Lily.'

She shook her head, 'It's alright. We're all here together.'

She could feel him watching her as she slipped out of the door and back down the stairs.


End file.
